Lullabies and Nightmares
by luvthatblueeyedSoul
Summary: Hutch finally finds the woman of his dreams but his happiness is short lived when tragedy strikes, sending Hutch spiraling down into his own private Hell. Is the bond Starsky shares with his partner strong enough to pull him back up or will he lose his friend forever in the depths of his despair.
1. Chapter 1

It was late in the afternoon. Starsky and Hutch were exiting the commissary located on the lower floor of the police precinct and were making their way back to the squad room.

"Listen to this one Hutch!" Starsky exclaimed as he read from the book he held in his hand 1001 Totally Weird Little Known But True Facts Of The World.

"Starsky…if you read me one more word from that stupid book of yours….So help me god…I'm gonna have Gilberts run it through the shredder!" Hutch threatened.

"No no no…just listen…did you know that the longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds?" Starsky informed his totally uninterested friend.

"Starsky…I…!" Hutch started to argue when a tiny voice called out from behind the two men.

"Ken! The little voice squealed.

Both men stopped and turned. The blond's face immediately lit up when he saw the little girl running towards them followed by a tall attractive blonde woman.

Hutch bent down and scooped the child up in his arms as she covered his face in delicate kisses.

"Hi ya' Pumpkin!" Hutch exclaimed as he returned the young girls affection by placing a series of kisses on each cheek as she hugged his neck.

Hutch then turned his attention to the blonde woman who now stood by his side. "Hello Gorgeous." He said softly as he leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips.

The woman then nodded to the dark haired man standing to Hutch's right. "Hi Dave." She greeted.

"Olivia." Starsky said, returning the salutation with a smile.

"Hey Kido!" Starsky exclaimed as he turned his attention to the child in Hutch's arms, tickling her as she wiggled and giggled whole heartedly.

"I hope you don't mind Ken…Madison just wouldn't let up until I brought her by to see you guys!" the woman said as she straightened the shoulder strap on the child's pink jumpsuit.

"Well I'm glad you did!" Hutch replied as took his turn at tickling the five year old's belly.

"How was school today Sweetheart?" Hutch asked the little girl as she nuzzled her head under his chin and rested it on the blond's shoulder.

The child quickly raised her head.

"It was Bobby Thompson's birthday today and his Mommy brought in cupcakes to share with the class!" she said enthusiastically.

"Oh yeah…what kind?" Starsky asked.

"Chocolate!" the girl squealed.

"Wow…you are so lucky!" Starsky exclaimed as he tugged playfully on the young girl's ponytail, causing her to giggle again.

"Oh Ken…the travel agency called earlier today to confirm our flight and reservations…everything is all set!" the child's mother informed the blond.

"Ah Honey that's terrific!" Hutch replied with a smile.

"Dave…we really wish you'd change your mind and come with us!" the woman said as she pleaded with the dark haired man.

"Now I told you guys a hundred times…I am not gonna intrude in on your two lovebird's honeymoon!" Starsky exclaimed.

"But we…!" she started to argue back.

"No buts!" Starsky interrupted as he held up a finger in the air until she relented.

After frowning and nodding to Starsky she turned back to the blond. "If you have a second Ken…there are a couple of things I'd like to go over with you before I call the agency back if you don't mind?" she asked.

"Sure Babe…let's go grab a seat back inside." Hutch replied as he motioned the woman towards the commissary.

"Come here ya' little Pip-Squeak!" Starsky exclaimed as he reached for the little girl. "Let's let the grown-ups have their little talk while you and I go play at Captain Dobey's desk!" Starsky said as he took the child from Hutch's arms then tucked her under his left arm and toted her off as she laughed uncontrollably.

Hutch and Olivia smiled as they watched the two of them head down the long hallway.

"Don't you go getting her into any kind of trouble Starsky!" Hutch warned jokingly as his partner and the little girl disappeared around the corner.

…..

"You guys all set?" Starsky asked his partner as they walked towards the Torino that sat parked in the police garage parking lot.

"Yep….two weeks from today Olivia, Maddie and I will be enjoying the sun and the surf in the beautiful Caribbean Islands!" Hutch exclaimed happily as his friend smiled back at him.

"Ya' know Hutch….I think it's pretty cool that you two are taking Madison along with ya' on your honeymoon instead of leaving her with Olivia's sister!" Starsky said as they climbed into the Torino.

"She's my heart Starsk…I love that little half pint!" Hutch proclaimed, laying his head back against the seat's head rest, smiling as he thought fondly of the little girl and her mother.

"I…I…I have to keep pinching myself every morning when I get up Starsk…just to make sure I'm not dreaming…that's how happy I am!" Hutch exclaimed joyfully.

Starsky grinned at his partner. It had been a long time since he could recall the blond being so happy. Not since Gillian's death had his partner truly allowed another woman into his heart and he could not have been any happier for him.

It was just over a year ago when a horrible twist of fate brought the two blonde's together.

Olivia's husband, a police officer working Vice Squad, was killed, along with his partner, in a violent shootout during a drug bust that went horribly wrong.

Hutch, who was close to the slain officer, valiantly offered a crying shoulder and a listening ear as he consoled and comforted the young widow and her young daughter through the difficult time period.

He had an enormous admiration for the woman's strong will, an admiration that quickly turned into something much more.

At first, due to the cruel circumstances that brought the two of them together, they were reluctant to express their true feelings for one another out of respect for the fallen officer and the man's little girl.

They soon came to realize that no matter how much they fought against their feelings, fate had a hand in what was happening and they quickly fell madly and deeply in love.

Hutch instantly felt a protective and fatherly love for the small child, drawing her fully into his heart.

The young girl felt a special connection with the blond also, forming a solid bond with the man, accepting him with arms wide opened.

"You're a lucky man Hutch…Olivia is one special lady…and Madison…she's a great kid!" Starsky exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Hutch chuckled as they drove off.

"So…you all ready to have a blast tonight?" Starsky asked his friend as they continued to drive.

"Oh yeah…it's all the girls have been talking about ever since you and Kris decided to throw us the party…I just wish you weren't going to all the trouble and expense of it all Starsk...we would have been just as happy getting together with a small group of friends and family." Hutch told the dark haired man.

"Hey…it's the least I could do since you wouldn't let me throw you a bachelor's party and besides it's not every day that my best friend gets married ya' know!" Starsky said as he slapped Hutch's thigh.

"Yeah…I know….thanks Buddy." Hutch said sincerely as he squeezed Starsky's knee.

Starsky simply nodded with a smile as police dispatch came across the car radio sending them off to their last call of the day.

…

Hutch pulled up in front of Olivia's apartment that evening with plenty of time to spare.

He parked the car and climbed out then went bouncing up the short flight of stairs stopping to adjust his shirt collar when he reached the top step.

Hutch, dressed in black slacks and a black sports jacket knocked on the solid wood door and waited as he whistled a merry tune.

He smiled when he heard the little girl's voice inside say. "I'll get it Mommy!"

Before opening the door Madison called out "Who is it?"

"It's Ken Sweetheart!" Hutch answered back.

The child undid the lock and opened the door, delighted to see the blond waiting on the other side.

"Hi Ken!" the little girl squealed.

"Look at you…my goodness!" Hutch exclaimed as he reached down and picked the little girl up and into his arms giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

Madison was dressed in a soft yellow pastel dress with ribbons in the shape of roses across the front and Hutch thought she looked adorable.

"You are without a doubt the prettiest little girl I have ever laid eyes on!" Hutch added.

The young girl smiled at the sudden attention and she hugged the blond's neck.

"Wait till you see Mommy…she's beautiful!" Madison exclaimed.

"Well where is this beautiful Mommy of yours?" Hutch asked the girl just as her mother came out of the bedroom.

Hutch's jaw dropped when he saw the attractive blond woman coming towards them.

Not taking his eyes off the blonde he lowered the child back down to the floor as he let out the customary wolf whistle.

"Wow….I…I…Wow!" Hutch stammered, completely flabbergasted with the way Olivia looked in her new dress.

"I told you she looked beautiful didn't I?" Madison said as she tugged on Hutch's jacket sleeve.

"Yeah…you sure did sweetheart and she sure is!" Hutch added, still in awe of his lady love.

"Hello Ken." Olivia said as she walked over to Hutch and gave him a kiss.

"Mmmm…helloooo." Hutch replied after the kiss.

"You look amazing Livie." Hutch whispered in her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

"Oh you know me…I aim to please my man." Olivia said playfully.

"Well let me tell you Darlin' your man is very pleased!" Hutch exclaimed as he wetted his lips.

"Sha'll we go?" Olivia suggested as she reached for her wrap that was draped across the sofa.

Hutch took the wrap from her and draped it around her shoulders, kissing the back of her neck.

Hutch held out his hand for Madison to take and he led her out the door and down the steps to the car as Olivia followed close behind.

…

"Oh my Ken….look at everyone!" Olivia exclaimed when they walked into Huggy's.

"Mommy are all these people here to see us?" Madison asked as she looked around the room at everyone.

"Yes Baby they are…isn't it wonderful!" Olivia said to the child.

"My man…my man!" Huggy exclaimed as he greeted Hutch.

"Hey Hug!" Hutch replied as he shook his friend's hand.

"And will you look at these two visions of loveliness!" Huggy added as he hugged Olivia then tweaked the young girl's nose.

"Hi Huggy!" the little girl said.

"Hi Darlin'!" Huggy replied with a huge smile.

All the guests greeted the happy couple and child as they walked about the room shaking hands and giving hugs and kisses as they went along.

Starsky watched his partner from across the room and grinned from ear to ear.

Standing by Starsky's side was the woman he'd been dating steadily for the past eight months, a dark haired beauty who complimented Starsky very well.

Hutch spotted the two of them and made his way over while Olivia and Madison mingled with the other guests.

The blond walked up to them and stopped and shook his head at his best friend.

"C'mere you!" Hutch exclaimed as he pulled Starsky into him, embracing him tightly, rocking him back and forth in his arms.

They stood there holding each other for several seconds.

"Thanks Buddy." Hutch whispered into Starsky's ear as he buried his face in Starsky's dark curls.

"This is incredible…you went to an awfully lot of work…this is too much!" Hutch exclaimed as he waved his hand out in front of him.

"What this?" "This is nothing!" Starsky replied modestly.

"Hey…I helped a little too…don't I get a hug?" the dark haired woman asked.

Hutch, realizing he pretty much ignored the woman when he came over, smiled and gave the woman a hug and kiss. "Thank you Kris…everything looks beautiful!" Hutch said graciously.

"You two really went overboard!" a female voice said from behind Hutch.

"Oh my god Olivia…you amazing…doesn't she Dave?" Kris exclaimed as she coveted Olivia's dress.

"Wow…she sure does!" Starsky replied, admiring her beauty.

"I could say the same about you!" Olivia said to the brunette returning the compliment.

"I'll second that one!" Hutch chimed in winking at the dark haired woman.

Hey where's Maddie?" Hutch asked as he noticed the little girl was not close by.

"Oh my father kidnapped her as soon as he saw her!" Olivia said jokingly as they observed the little girl across the room giggling as she sat in her grandfather's lap.

"Come on Liv…let's go mingle!" Kris said as she took Olivia's hand and pulled her towards the other guests.

Starsky commented as the guys watched their ladies walk away. "Hutchinson…you are one lucky man!"

"Mmmm…you did pretty good yourself there Partner!" Hutch replied as they admired both women.

"Yeah…I sure did!" Starsky agreed, smiling at the dark haired woman who just happened to be looking his way.

…..

As the party progressed on into the night everyone continued to enjoy themselves as they danced and drank and ate.

Hutch was engrossed in a riveting conversation with Olivia's uncle when the sound of glass clanging caught his and everyone else's attention.

"Okay everybody…If I could please have everybody's attention!" Starsky called out.

He waited for the room to quiet down before continuing.

I would like to make a toast….to Hutch and his lovely bride to be Olivia!" Starsky proclaimed as he raised his glass of champagne and nodded to the couple.

Hutch smiled back at his partner as Starsky walked over to him and placed his hand on the blond's shoulder.

""First of all I'd like to thank everyone for coming out tonight to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of these two incredible human beings. As most of you all know…Hutch and I have a history. He's not only my partner…he my best friend. I can't begin to tell you all how happy I was when he asked me to be his best man…because now it only proves for once and for all…that I really am in fact…_the_ best man!" Starsky joked as he slapped Hutch on the back while a round of laughter filled the room, including Hutch's.

"Hutch and I have known each other since the academy…ohhh the stories I could tell you about this guy back then Olivia!" Starsky teased as a slightly worried look came to Hutch's face. "But you might change your mind about marrying Blondie so we won't go there!"

Hutch looked over at Olivia and shook his head as she leaned over and placed her cheek on his shoulder.

"When Hutch and I first met we pretty much clicked right away, even though we were total opposites in every way possible, I felt an eerie connection with this him…sorta an unspoken chemistry between us…and naturally with me being the smarter one…I had to help him with all his exams…ya' know trying to help him any way I could to get him through to graduation!" Starsky went on as Hutch rolled his eyes.

"Well he eventually managed to squeak by with so-so grades…we graduated and joined the force directly after…Hutch and I were to be partnered up with other partners for the next year or so…Hutch one…me several!" Starsky snickered as well as Hutch.

"I just never seemed to click with my other partners…wasn't sure why…until one day Hutch and I got the news from Captain Dobey that they were teaming the two of us up…and we went out on our first assignment…and that old chemistry we once knew just clicked again right away…and I knew then and there the real reason it never seemed right with all my other partners was…none of them were Hutch." Starsky said with tear-filled eyes as he squeezed Hutch's shoulder.

Hutch clasped Starsky's hand that rested on his shoulder and held it tight as Starsky continued.

"Now years later Hutch and I have became pretty tight…we both have helped each other through some really tough times…times when we both felt like backing it in…he's is without a doubt the best friend a man could ever ask for…he's not only my partner…he's my confidant…my brother…my soul mate." Starsky said lovingly as Hutch continued to hold his hand.

"So when he told me he was going to marry Olivia I immediately thought…what the hell is wrong with her?" Starsky joked as Hutch poked him in the side while Olivia laughed hysterically.

"No seriously folks…" Starsky said as he squeezed Hutch's shoulder again before moving over to Olivia's side.

"Olivia….god…doesn't she just look gorgeous tonight?" Starsky asked as the crowd applauded and whistled, including Hutch.

"Olivia…although it was under extreme misfortune…the events that brought the two of you together…I believe…and so do many others that it was also fate…for never have I seen two people more in love then the two of you…..and never would I trust anyone more than you with Hutch's heart!" Starsky added causing Olivia to tear up.

Hutch reached over and took Olivia's hand in his and brought it to his lips.

Starsky bent down and kissed the top of Olivia's head as she touched his cheek whispering a quiet thank you.

Starsky stood upright and walked over to the little girl sitting between her mother and grandfather.

"We are not only celebrating the union of two kindred souls…we are also celebrating the union of a very special family….C'mere short stuff!" Starsky said adoringly as he reached down and gathered Madison into his arms.

"Say hello to everybody Maddie!" Starsky said as he held the microphone in front of the little girl's face.

Madison reached over and grabbed the microphone from Starsky unexpectedly and said. "Helloooo!" as it echoed loudly throughout the room.

The room instantly filled with the sound of laughter.

Starsky tried to take the microphone from the child but she pulled away.

"I wanna sing a song..….The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout….down came….!" The little girl sang as her mother stood up and shook her head no, that they would sing later and she took the mike from the little girl and handed it back to Starsky as the crowd continued to roar.

Starsky sat the little girl back down in her chair and carried on. "Well I guess it's true what they say….never work with animals or children…they always try to upstage ya'!"

Hutch was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes.

Starsky made his way back over to Hutch's side.

"Hutch…Olivia…Madison" Starsky said as he looked at the three of them. "The truest meaning of a marriage is being needed by another person…but with this union…the three of you have come together to share your lives and realize your dreams. This is only the beginning…for you will have many joyous years to come. Starsky said as he started to choke up.

"Let me be the first to toast to your peace and happiness in your new life together and may God bless your union…I love you all very much!" Starsky said as he raised his glass to the guests of honor.

The other guests all raised their own glasses and cheered the happy couple as Hutch got to his feet and pulled Starsky against him in a bone crushing bear hug as a resounding "Awww!" filled the room.

When the men pulled away there were tears in their eyes.

"That was beautiful Starsk….just beautiful!" Hutch said as he placed a kiss on Starsky's cheek. "I love you too Buddy."

…

Hutch stood in the doorway with Madison in his arms and Olivia by his side as they shook hands, thanking the guest for coming as they made their exits while Starsky stood on the other side of the doorway doing the same.

Captain Dobey and his family and Olivia's parents were some of the last guests to leave.

When Dobey, his wife and children came to the door to say goodnight he shook Hutch's hand firmly.

"Hutchinson…Olivia…it was a wonderful evening…we wish you all the best….see you Monday morning." Dobey said to the blond.

"Thanks Cap…thanks for coming tonight." Hutch said to his superior.

"We wouldn't have missed it for the world Ken!" Edith Dobey exclaimed as Hutch placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you Edith…Harold." Olivia said as she hugged them both.

"Starsky…excellent job this evening!" Dobey said as he shook Starsky's hand.

Edith agreed whole heartedly as she gave him a hug and wished him goodnight.

The last people to leave were Olivia's parents.

Olivia's father stopped and shook Hutch's hand.

"I just want to tell you Ken how proud I am in getting you for a son in-law…you helped my little girl through some really tough times when we lost Ned and the family appreciates that." Olivia's father said, referring to Olivia's late husband.

"Elsie and I truly believe that she found an honest…decent...loving man when she found you…there's no one I would trust more with my daughters and granddaughters happiness." Olivia's father stated sincerely.

"Thank you Earl…I think you know how important Olivia and Madison are to me…they mean the world to me and I give you my solemn promise to love and care for them as long as I live." Hutch proclaimed as Olivia's father shook his hand firmly then hugged the little girl he held in his arms.

"I know you will Son." Olivia's father added.

"Thanks Daddy." Olivia said as she kissed her father goodnight.

Her father then kissed Madison on the cheek and exited shaking Starsky's hand and telling him what a great job he did with the party and his speech.

"Goodnight Mom…I'll call you tomorrow." Olivia said as she kissed and hugged her mother.

"Goodnight Dear…everything was just so lovely." Olivia's mother replied.

"Ken…thank you…for everything!" Olivia's mother said to Hutch as he kissed her cheek softly.

"And thank you Elsie…for giving me this beautiful woman to love." Hutch said as he wrapped his arm around Olivia's waist.

"Goodnight my Angel!" Elsie said as she kissed the tip of Madison's nose.

"Night Grammy!" Madison replied happily.

"Goodnight David…everything was just perfect!" Olivia's mother stated as she received a hug and kiss from Starsky before leaving.

"Thank you Mrs. Maxwell…have a good night." Starsky said as she walked out with her husband.

When the last of the night's guest finally left Hutch turned to Huggy and sighed.

"Well…that was some evening…let me help you clean this place up before we…." Hutch said as he started to hand the child in his arms off to her mother.

"Uh uh…This is your guy's night!" Huggy protested.

"The three of you go home and enjoy the rest of the evening…besides…I ain't touching none of this mess till tomorrow anyways." Huggy said as he looked around the room.

"Well thanks Hug." Hutch said as he patted Huggy on the back.

"What do you call that….C'mere and give me some sugar…all three of you!" Huggy exclaimed as he pulled them in for a hug.

"You're the best Hug…thank you!" Olivia said as she gave him a peck on the cheek.

"I know…but don't let that get out on the street…It'll ruin my reputation!" Huggy replied jokingly.

"Are we ready then?" Olivia asked the blond. "We gotta get Madison to bed" she added when she noticed the little girl yawning sleepily.

"Goodnight Hug!" both Hutch and Olivia said simultaneously as they started to exit The Pits.

"Night Huggy!" Madison called out.

"Goodnight Sweetheart!" Huggy replied as he waved to the child before she disappeared out the door.

"Thanks again for all your help Hug…couldn't have done it without ya'" Starsky exclaimed as he slapped Huggy on the back. "See ya'"

"Yes…Goodnight Huggy." Kris added as Starsky took her arm and led her out the door.

"Take care…drive safe." Huggy replied, getting ready to call it a night as well.

Everyone made their way to their respective vehicles and Hutch opened the back car door and placed Madison in the car seat, buckling her up securely.

"So I guess we'll see you guys at the beach tomorrow!" Olivia said as Hutch closed the back car door.

"Yessss!…I'm so looking forward to a nice relaxing day for a change!" Kris exclaimed.

"Well we'll bring lunch…you guys just bring your appetites!" Olivia replied.

"Sounds good to me!" Starsky exclaimed happily.

"Thanks again you two…you guys are terrific!" Olivia said as she hugged Kris then Starsky.

Hutch helped Olivia in to the front seat then closed the door.

Without saying a word, Hutch gave Kris a hug then pulled Starsky in for one as well.

"See you two tomorrow." Hutch said as he made his way around to the driver's side of the car.

Starsky waved to the little girl in the back seat and she waved back as they pulled away.

…..

Hutch sat in the living room trying to unwind while Olivia helped Madison get ready for bed.

"Maddie wants you to tuck her in Ken!" Olivia called to the blond from the child's bedroom doorway.

Hutch smiled as he got up and walked over to the doorway.

This was his favorite part of the evening whenever he was able to spend the nights with the two of them, they were times filled with stories, love and laughter.

Hutch walked into the little girl's room and sat down on her bed.

He could tell by the look on the child's sleepy little face that shouldn't be awake much longer.

"Let's see…what story can I tell this evening!" the blond pondered.

"Can you sing to me Ken…pretty please?" the little girl pleaded.

Olivia smiled at the child's request for she absolutely loved it whenever the blond sang. His voice was like honey, so smooth and soft, it made her heart melt.

"Sure Sweet Pea." Hutch replied with a smile as he tucked the bedcovers up under Madison's chin then began to sing softly.

"_Goodnight my Angel time to close your eyes and save these questions for another day. I think you know what you've been asking me…I think you know what I've been trying to say. I promised I would never leave you…and you should always know…wherever you may go…no matter where you are…I never will be far away. Goodnight my Angel now it's time to sleep…and still so many things I want to say. Remember all the songs you sang for me…when we went sailing on an emerald bay…and like a boat out on the ocean…I'm rocking you to sleep. The water's dark and deep…inside this ancient heart you'll always be a part of me. Goodnight my Angel now it's time to dream…and dream how wonderful your life will be. Someday your child may cry and if you sing this lullaby…then in your heart there will always be a part of meeeeee." _Hutch sang softly and by the time he was finished he noticed the child was asleep.

He leaned over and kissed the little girl's forehead softly. "Goodnight Pumpkin…I love you." Hutch whispered.

"I love you more." Madison mumbled in her sleep.

Hutch smiled lovingly at the sleeping child for the love he felt for her was so overwhelming it brought tears to his eyes.

When he turned and looked at the child's mother she had tears in her eyes as well. "That was really beautiful Ken." Olivia whispered.

Hutch would have been content to sit all night long and watch the child sleep but Olivia had other plans for the blond.

She walked over and placed both her hands on his broad shoulder and whispered softly in his ear. "C'mon my love…Mama needs some attention too."

Hutch stood up and pulled her close. "Gee…I don't know if I'm up for two shows tonight." He said teasing her as he nibbled her ear.

"Oh don't you worry about that…you'll be _up_ for it…I'll make sure of that." She said playfully as she took his hand and led him out the door and down the hall to her own bedroom.

…..

The next morning Olivia awoke and stretched her arm across the bed only to find it empty.

She sat up and squinted at the alarm clock by the bed and saw that it read 6:30.

She chuckled to herself "You could have broken training for one day Hutchinson!"

Olivia, anticipating that Hutch would be back from his morning jog at any moment decided to surprise him with a big breakfast.

Still in her lazy morning mode she stretched and sat up in bed.

As she went to stand an unexpected wave of dizziness and nausea overcame her and she stumbled quickly to the bathroom, throwing up the lid to the toilet and vomiting into the bowl.

After emptying the contents of her stomach she reached for a towel and wiped the sweat from her face then wiped her mouth.

"What's wrong Mommy?" a sleepy little voice called out from outside the bathroom door. "Are you sick?"

"Oh Honey…Mommy just must have eaten something at the party last night that my tummy didn't like." Olivia said reassuring the little girl.

As she got to her feet another wave of dizziness overcame her and she fought to remain upright for fear of frightening the child.

Just then the sound of the front door being opened then closed could be heard in the living room.

"What in the world are you doing up already Pumpkin?" Hutch asked when he saw Madison standing by the bathroom door.

"Mommy's sick?" the little girl whimpered.

A concerned look instantly came across Hutch's face as he peered into the bathroom and saw Olivia leaning against the sink, looking extremely pale.

"What's wrong Babe?" Hutch asked softly as he brushed the hair from her eyes.

"It's nothing…it's like I told Maddie…it's probably from something I ate last night that's not agreeing with me." Olivia told the concerned blond.

"Are you sure?" Hutch asked as he felt her forehead, pleased when it didn't feel too warm.

"Yes I'm sure…now out…the both of you!" she ordered playfully, gently shoving Hutch out the door, allowing him just enough time to swoop down and pick up the little girl in his arms.

"I'll be out to fix breakfast just as soon as I shower and brush my teeth!" Olivia said as she closed the door.

"Don't worry Hun…Maddie and I have it covered!" Hutch answered back from outside the closed door.

Olivia turned and looked at herself in the mirror, the color still hadn't returned to her face.

"What in devil is wrong with me?" she whispered to her reflection.

It was the fourth straight morning in a row she had felt sick when she awoke.

"Oh my God…I…I couldn't be!" she exclaimed softly to herself as she lowered the lid on the toilet seat and sat down shaking nervously.

…..

As the morning progressed into the afternoon Olivia felt well enough to go ahead with their plans to meet Starsky and Kris at Venice Beach.

As they pulled up to the pier the valves of Hutch's beat-up old Ford were tapping loudly.

"I hate to say this Ken because I know how much you love this old heap but I think it's time to start looking for a more reliable automobile." Olivia said as they pulled up alongside Starsky's Torino.

"What?" Hutch looked at her in shock. "This car is good for another seventy thousand miles at least!" he proclaimed, defending his beloved car.

"Well would you at least just think about it?" Olivia said with a smile as she pleaded with him.

"Okay…I'll think about it." Hutch replied, smiling back at her as he opened the car door.

The second he opened to driver's side door the horn started blaring, prompting Madison to hold her hands to her ears to stifle the noise.

When Hutch slammed the door closed the horn stopped.

Olivia just looked at him and shook her head as he shrugged his shoulders and smirked.

As they began unpacking the coolers, beach towels and sunscreen Starsky came running up to the car. "It's about time you guys got here…I'm starving!" he exclaimed as he helped Hutch carry the heavy coolers to the beach below.

Later that day as Olivia came out of the water and made her way to the towel she had laid out on the sand, flopping down, drying her legs and arms with another towel from her bag.

Starsky followed her out shortly afterwards and sat down beside her in the sand watching Hutch, Madison and Kris splashing in the water several feet in front of them.

They watched as Hutch tossed the child in the air, catching her just as her tiny feet touched the water, while all the time giggling hysterically.

"Ya' know Liv…I've never seen him so happy before…he really loves Maddie." Starsky said with a smile as he watched his friend's and the child's antics.

When Olivia did not reply Starsky turned to her, surprised when he saw tears in her eyes.

"What'sa matter Liv?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

"I'm scared Dave…I'm really scared." she replied, almost in a whisper.

"Scared?" Scared of what?" he asked. "Things are going great with you guys!" Starsky added.

"Yes I know….that's just it…they're maybe going too great." She answered, nearly choking on her words.

"I don't understand!" Starsky said.

"I…I…I don't know what it is…but I…I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach…that this is all too good to be true…that something awful is going to happen." Olivia stammered.

"You're afraid something is gonna happen to Hutch?" he asked nervously as he looked out into the water at his best friend.

"No…I mean yes…I mean I don't know…it's just this strange feeling that I….!" she stopped when she saw how upset the dark haired man was becoming.

She forced a smile as she suddenly felt the need to make him feel more at ease.

"I suppose I'm just being silly…pre-wedding jitters and all that!" she tried to laugh, hoping it didn't sound too fake.

"Yeah…I'm sure that's what it is." Starsky said, forcing a smile too as he felt a knot in the pit of his stomach as well.

…..

The remainder of the weekend flew by rather quickly and when Monday morning came around Olivia felt that same familiar feeling of queasiness when she rose up out of bed.

Olivia called her family doctor upon rising and he agreed to see her that morning after she dropped Madison off at pre-school.

Meanwhile Starsky and Hutch were already two hours into their shift cruising down Ventura when the dispatcher's voice came across the police radio. "Zebra Three…Come in Zebra Three."

"Ya' Charlie…this is Zebra Three!" Hutch answered into the mike.

"We have a report of an armed robbery at Hartley's Jewelry Store on Adam's and Third…shots have been fired!" the dispatcher informed them.

"Ten-four Central…we are responding!" Hutch replied before hanging up the mike.

"Well Buddy…looks like it's gonna be one of those days!" Hutch said to the man alongside him.

Hutch looked over when his partner did not respond.

"You're awful quiet this morning Starsk…what's wrong?" the blond asked his friend.

"Huh?" Starsky replied when he realized Hutch was speaking to him.

"I said you're awful quiet…what gives?" Hutch reiterated.

"Nothin'" Starsky said reluctantly as he shifted the Torino into gear and sped off.

When they arrived on the scene and climbed out of the Torino Hutch asked. "How do you wanna play this Partner?"

Starsky, still upset over his discussion with Olivia two days prior was feeling very protective of the blond.

"Why don't I sneak around back…you wait five minutes and come through the front!" Starsky said as he laid out his plan of attack.

"You got it…be careful Starsk!" Hutch said as his friend ran off towards the back alley behind the jewelry store.

Hutch looked at his watch, only three minutes had passed by when he heard the sound of gunfire coming from inside the jewelry store and he sprang into action.

Hutch ran to the front of the building, peered inside the storefront window, then throwing open the entrance door, he quickly stormed inside.

By the time he made it into the store Starsky already had the perpetrator down on the floor in handcuffs.

Hutch, breathing a sigh of relief, shot his partner an angry look.

Starsky, avoiding the blond's livid stare, handed off the hold-up man to one of the patrolmen waiting just outside the doorway.

As Starsky started to head out the front door Hutch grabbed his arm and spun him around.

"You wanna tell me what the hell that was all about?" the blond hissed. "That was no five minutes!"

Starsky looked at his watch and tapped the glass. "Huh…guess my watch must be fast." Starsky said with a smirk.

"Yeah either that or you suddenly have a death wish!" Hutch replied angrily.

"Don't ever pull that shit again Starsk!" he warned as he shook his finger in Starsky's face before stomping out of the store, leaving a still uneasy partner behind.

…..

"Well Olivia I have the results of your test." The doctor exclaimed as the blonde sat in his office, ringing her hands together nervously.

"You my dear are three months pregnant!" her doctor informed her.

"But how can that be Doctor Mattern….my fiancé and I…we…I've been on the pill." Olivia stuttered.

"Well Olivia…sometimes these things just happen no matter how careful a couple are." The doctor replied.

Olivia sat there trying to take the doctor's words all in.

"Are you not happy with the news?" he asked her.

Olivia pondered the doctor's question as she thought of Hutch, how was he going to react to the unexpected news and how was she going to tell him.

"I…I…of course I am Doctor Mattern…it's just…Ken and I weren't planning on having any children right away…we wanted to….." she paused as the doctor got up from his chair and went around and sat on the corner of his desk patting her hand reassuringly.

"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?" he asked.

Olivia thought briefly then nodded yes.

"You and your fiancé are having a boy!" he said with a smile.

Olivia smiled ever so slightly.

"I'm sure that right at this moment this news is a bit overwhelming…if you'd like me to call your fiancé and have him come in…I'd be glad to talk to him." The doctor said, trying to ease her worried mind.

"No Doctor…that's not necessary…this is something I need to do on my own but thank you." Olivia exclaimed.

"Very well then…I'll have my nurse schedule your next follow-up appointment if you have no further questions at this time." He informed her.

"Th..Thank you Doctor." Olivia said as she shook the doctor's hand.

"Take care." The doctor said as he opened the door to his office and led her out to the nurse's area to confirm her next appointment.

As Olivia drove back home from her appointment her thoughts quickly went to those of the baby and Hutch.

"Oh God Ken!" she cried softly. "We're going to have a baby boy."

She suddenly had visions of Madison playing with her little brother, visions of Hutch rocking their son to sleep singing him a lullaby.

Suddenly her tears of worry turned into tears of complete and utter joy.

"We are going to have a baby boy!" she exclaimed happily as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

While driving through town Olivia passed a row of shops lined up along the street and suddenly spied a children's clothing store.

She pulled over immediately and went inside.

…

"C'mon Hutch…you're not still pissed off about earlier are you?" Starsky asked the blond as he sat opposite Hutch while he typed out the day's report.

Hutch ignored him completely as he continued to type.

"Okay…okay…you were right and I was wrong…I'm sorry…now will ya' at least talk to me?" Starsky whined.

Hutch stopped hitting the keys on his typewriter and looked up at partner.

"You're an idiot…ya' know that Starsky!" Hutch exclaimed. "I have half a mind to…!" he started to say when the phone at his desk rang out.

"Detective Hutchinson!" the blond answered into the receiver.

"Grace…what a pleasant surprise!" Hutch replied. "You're kidding me…of course we're still interested!"

Starsky looked on curiously as the blond checked the time on his watch.

"Four o'clock…yeah I think we can make it…yes I still have the address…..okay Grace…thank you….we'll see you soon…bye-bye." Hutch concluded then hung up the phone.

"What was that all about?" Starsky asked.

Hutch, forgetting all about being upset with his partner replied. "That was Grace from Benton Reality!" "Remember that house up on Carmen's Canyon that I told you about?"

"Yeah…what about it?" Starsky inquired.

"Well…Grace just informed me that the owner's just put it on the market and she wants Olivia and I to go look at it!" Hutch exclaimed, suddenly very exciting.

"The only thing is we gotta act fast…she has someone else looking at it too!" Hutch added.

"So as part of your punishment for your stupidity this afternoon…you are going to drive me up there to check it out!" Hutch ordered as he pointed a finger at his partner as he picked up the phone and dialed, waiting for the party on the other end to pick up.

"Hey Sweetie…you'll never guess who just called here at the precinct….Grace from Benton Reality….yeah I know….she wants us to go out and look at the place….okay…you go ahead and pick Madison up….Starsky and I will head up and meet you there…okay Hun….see ya' in a little while…love ya' too." Hutch replied before hanging up the phone.

"Now all ya' gotta do is convince Dobey to let ya' head out early!" Starsky said.

"Head out early for what?" a low growl came from their superior's office.

"Uhhh Cap…I was wondering if Starsky and I could leave a little earlier today to go look at a house Olivia and I are considering buying?" the blond asked hesitantly.

Dobey looked at Starsky then Hutch.

"Yeah….go ahead….get out of here!" Dobey exclaimed as he waved them out.

"Thanks Cap…you have no idea how much I appreciate this!" Hutch exclaimed as he got up, handing Dobey the report he just typed up and grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair.

Starsky trailed close behind as they left the squad room and headed down the hall.

In the meantime, Olivia hung up the phone after finishing her conversation with Hutch.

She placed the small package containing a tiny pair of baby blue, crocheted booties secretly in Hutch's desk drawer, saving the surprise for later that evening as she grabbed her keys and headed out the door to pick up her daughter.

…..

"What till you see this place Starsk…according to the pictures Grace showed us it's absolutely beautiful!" Hutch raved about his dream home.

"That's great Buddy!" Starsky smiled, happy to see his friend so exciting.

Starsky continued to drive up the winding canyon road as Hutch went on and on about the home.

"It's just right up here around this bend Starsk!" Hutch said as he pointed ahead of them.

Starsky slowed down as they went around the next corner and pulled off into the driveway of the house in question.

Hutch looked over at Starsky and smiled.

"Wow!" Starsky said in awe has they climbed out of the car.

"Didn't I tell ya'…isn't it just beautiful!" Hutch exclaimed.

"It sure is Hutch!" Starsky replied, feeling slightly resentful.

Just then the sound of a horn honking drew their attention back to the road as Olivia pulled up with her young daughter in the back seat.

Olivia stopped the car and got out as Hutch walked over and gave her a kiss while Starsky opened the back car door and unbuckled Madison from her car seat.

Starsky reached for the little girl and pulled her up out of the car.

As Starsky carried the child in his arms Hutch walked over and gave her a kiss as well.

"Oh Ken…it looks even better than the pictures Grace showed us!" Olivia exclaimed as they walked over to the front door of the home.

The realtor came to the door before they even had a chance to ring the doorbell.

"Well hello everyone!" the realtor exclaimed as she welcomed them into the house.

Hutch introduced Starsky to the woman and then they proceeded to go throughout the house room by room.

The home consisted of four bedrooms, a living room, dining room, den, a massive kitchen and pantry as well as a totally finished basement that came complete with its own pool table and wet bar, which Hutch and Starsky especially liked.

There was also a two car garage attached to the outside of the house, a small workshop out back and a child's playhouse that Madison fell in love with instantly.

Olivia tried to control her enthusiasm as the realtor showed them the rooms for she didn't want to appear too eager but she knew in her heart the house was meant to be theirs and she would have paid any amount to own it.

Hutch delighted in her expression each time they walked into a different room as each room seemed better than the one before.

He too felt an instant connection with the house and knew he'd gladly pay whatever price the owner's wanted to make the house their home.

"Soooo…what do you think?" the realtor asked them as they stood out front admiring the stone façade of the home.

"We'll take it!" Hutch answered immediately as Olivia gasped.

"I thought you might say that." The realtor replied.

"I'll let the owner's know you've agreed to meet their asking price and go forward with the closing procedures." Grace said as she scribbled some notes down in a folder she held in her hand.

"I just need a bit of information from you before we proceed any further." The realtor added.

Hutch did not notice that Olivia had quietly slipped back into the house while he was speaking to Grace.

"C'mere you little Munchkin!" Starsky exclaimed as he picked Madison up and carried her over to the playhouse, ducking his head as he carried her inside.

"So Sweetheart…how are you gonna like living here in your new home?" Starsky asked the little girl.

"I love it!" she exclaimed. "I wanna live in here!" she added happily as she began to play house in her make believe kitchen.

"Would you like to have a tea party with me Uncle Dave?" the little asked as she pretended to make tea.

"I would love to have a cup of tea with you Darlin!" Starsky replied with a smile as she handed him an imaginary cup.

Starsky held the cup, pretending to drink the tea, with his pinky finger extended.

"Mmm…this has to be the best tea I've ever tasted in my whole entire life!" he exclaimed, much to her delight. "You wouldn't happen to have any cookies to go along with this delicious tea now would you?" he asked playfully.

"Of course!" she added as she handed him a pretend cookie as well.

"Mmmm…that is sooo yummy…thank you Sweetie!" Starsky said as he munched down.

As Starsky watched the child play, his thoughts drifted back again to the day on the beach with Olivia and he wondered if maybe Olivia was showing any signs of her uneasiness at home with the little girl so he asked her. "Honey…how's your Mommy been lately…does she seem really happy?" he asked coyly.

"Mommy's been sick!" she replied instantly to Starsky's surprise.

"Sick?" Starsky asked, genuinely concerned.

The little girl nodded as she continued to play.

Starsky suddenly decided not to push the conversation any further.

Hiding his troubled expression he continued on with the tea party, enjoying the private play time with the child.

Meanwhile as Hutch waited for the realtor to retrieve some paperwork from her car he glanced around and noticed Olivia was nowhere in sight.

Starsky came out of the playhouse, leaving the girl to play by herself and he walked over to Hutch's side slapping him on the back. "Congratulation's Buddy!" he exclaimed.

"It's not a done deal yet Starsky." Hutch replied hesitantly.

"I wouldn't worry too much partner." Starsky added as he looked around for Olivia as well.

Hutch said. "I think she went back inside…she's probably already in there plotting out where to place the furniture!" Hutch laughed, tapping Starsky playfully on the arm as they went back inside in search of the woman.

"Let me guess Livie…you're already…!" Hutch called out, stopping in mid-sentence when they saw Olivia leaning against the kitchen counter shaking and sobbing quietly.

Hutch shot Starsky a look of utter surprise as Starsky shrugged his shoulders, nodding his head back and forth unknowingly.

Hutch turned his attention back to Olivia as Starsky whispered. "I'll go check on Olivia." he squeezed Hutch forearm before exiting the kitchen.

Hutch slowly made his way over to his distraught fiancé.

"Livie what's wrong?" he asked softly as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

She was too upset to speak.

Hutch suddenly realized that he never included her in the decision when he told the realtor they wanted to buy the house.

"I…I…I'm sorry if I was too hasty in agreeing to taking this house…I…I…I should have talked to you first Honey…I'm sorry…it's just that I…!" Hutched paused, not sure what to say next.

Except for the sobbing, Olivia was silent.

"I just thought by the look on your face earlier that you were loving the house as much as I was." Hutch added nervously.

Olivia still did not speak.

"Are you having second thoughts about things…maybe even about us?" Hutch asked her apprehensively.

Olivia began to sob even harder when he questioned her.

Hutch took her actions and silence as a confirmation to his question as he dropped his hand from her shoulder.

With tears in his eyes he turned away from her, shoulders slumped he said somberly. "I'll tell Grace that we changed our mind.

As a broken hearted Hutch started to walk away Olivia called out to him. "Don't you dare give up our home!" stopping him in his tracks.

She was in his arms in a heartbeat.

"I love you so much Ken!…I love our family!…I love this house!...and I want us to raise a family here!" she cried as he kissed her tears away.

"You do want more children don't you Ken?" she asked with her heart in her throat as she waited for his reply.

"Only about a dozen!" Hutch exclaimed joyfully, causing her to chuckle.

She thought about telling him about the baby at that moment then decided to wait until that evening to reveal the surprise.

"Well…we'll have to talk about that!" she replied, laughing at his sudden burst of gleeful enthusiasm.

"Why were you crying just now Sweetheart?" Hutch asked her as the conversation took a more serious turn.

"I guess…with everything happening…with the wedding and the house and…!" she stopped short.

"And what?" Hutch asked as he held her in his arms, brushing her tear stained cheeks with his fingers.

"Were you thinking about Ned?" the blond asked her tenderly.

"I'm sorry Ken!" She replied as she buried her face against his chest.

"This is supposed to be our time but…with it being so close to the anniversary of his death…I couldn't help myself!" she began to sob again.

Hutch pulled her away and cupped his hand under her chin, drawing her eyes to his. "Don't you ever feel sorry for thinking of Ned…I want you and Maddie to feel open about talking about him anytime you like!" Hutch told her.

Olivia wiped her hands across her eyes as she sniffled and nodded.

"I love you and Maddie more than anything…I just want the two of you to be as happy as you can possibly be." Hutch whispered as he kissed her tenderly.

"We love you too Ken…and we are!" she replied as she returned his kiss.

"So we're okay?" Hutch asked her.

"We are more than okay…we're perfect!" she told him reassuringly as they walked arm and arm out of the house and into the front yard.

"Oh there you are Olivia!" the realtor called out to the blonde. "I forgot to mention…." Grace's voice trailed off as she pulled Olivia off to the side.

Hutch looked around for his missing partner and Madison.

As he walked towards the playhouse he could hear the child's tiny voice inside.

"Okay…now you it's your turn to be the princess and I'll be the queen!" the little girl said as she pretended to pour her imaginary teapot.

"Oh thank you Mother!" Starsky exclaimed in a high pitched voice, beating his eyelashes as he accepted the invisible cup.

Hutch tried to control his laughter as he watched his best friend.

He cleared his throat and called out. "Hate to interrupt your teatime Princess but her Royal Highness's coach is waiting!"

Starsky nearly jumped out of his skin as he tried to cover up his unmanly actions.

"Ken…would you like to join us?" Madison asked as she held out a cup of tea for him as well.

"Oh Honey…I'd love to but we gotta get going Sweetie!" he replied as he held out his hand for the little girl to take.

"Ohhh okay!" she sighed as she clasped his hand and walked out of the playhouse as Hutch whacked his head on the top of the low doorway.

"Ah hah!...that's what ya' get for being a wise guy! Starsky muttered as he followed his friend out.

Madison saw her mother talking to the realtor and she ran to her.

As Hutch started to walk towards the two women Starsky grabbed his arm and pulled him back gently.

"Everything okay with you two?" Starsky asked as he stared intently into Hutch's eyes.

"Everything is fantastic Starsk!" Hutch said as he patted his friend's chest.

"That's good…'cause I'd hate like hell to have to give up that pool table!" Starsky replied jokingly, causing Hutch to snort through his nose from laughter.

"You gonna drive Liv and Maddie home in Liv's car?" Starsky asked.

"Yeah….hey…thanks for coming along Pal!" Hutch replied as they made their way over to the two women and Madison.

"Alright then…I'll be contacting you within the next couple of days to get the ball rolling…with any luck you'll be in your new home by the end of the month!" Grace informed them.

"Thank you Grace!" Hutch said as he shook her hand.

"Yes…thank you for everything Grace!" Olivia added as she shook her hand as well.

"Pleasure meeting you David!" the realtor said as she shook Starsky hand. "Bye Maddie!" she said as she waved goodbye to the little girl before getting into her car and driving away.

"Well…I guess I'll be going!" Starsky exclaimed.

"Can I have a kiss?" Starsky asked the young girl as he bent down and placed a finger on his cheek.

The little girl willingly leaned over and gave him a tiny peck on the side of his face.

Starsky then gave Olivia a quick peck on the cheek then waved to his partner as he started to climb into the Torino. "See ya' in the morning Hutch!"

"See ya' Princess!" Hutch replied back as he smiled at the confused expression on Olivia's face and the tiny laughter from the little girl.

…

"Oh what a day huh?" Hutch said to Olivia as they started their drive home down from the canyon.

"Yes…it certainly was!" she replied, smiling to herself as she thought of her little secret she would be revealing later that night.

"So Maddie…do you like the new house?" Hutch asked the child who was humming to herself in the backseat.

"Yeahhh…I liked playing in the littler house with Uncle Dave!" she exclaimed gleefully.

"Yeah…I think Uncle Dave did too!" Hutch chuckled as he thought of his friend.

They drove on in silence then Madison started humming her happy tune again.

Hutch kept looking back at her in the rearview mirror, smiling as he did so.

Then Madison, from out of the blue asked. "Do I have to wait until you and Mommy are married to call you Daddy?"

Olivia looked over at Hutch the same exact time he looked over at her.

W…W…Well Honey…that's up to your mother…I…I…!" Hutch stammered nervously.

Olivia placed her hand on Hutch's thigh.

"Well Sweetie…maybe we should ask Ken if he wants you to call him that!" Olivia said as she turned back in her seat towards the little girl, her hand still resting on the blond's thigh.

"Do you _want_ to call me your Daddy?" Hutch asked as he looked back in the mirror again while trying to keep his eye on the winding road.

"I _do_ wanna call you my Daddy!" the girl exclaimed happily.

"Well then Sweet Pea…you go right ahead…I really want that too!" Hutch replied as he choked on his words.

"Yay! The child cried out in delight while Hutch took Olivia hand in his and kissed her fingertips.

"Daddy…Daddy…Daddy!" the little girl sang out merrily as she made up her own little song. "I love my Mommy and Daddy!" she continued to sing as the tears began to well up in Hutch's and Olivia's eyes.

"Daddy?" Madison called out in her tiny little voice.

"Yeah Baby Girl?" Hutch replied enjoying the sound of his new title.

"I love you Daddy!" she exclaimed, liking the way the word rolled off her tongue.

"I love you more Pumpkin!" Hutch replied as he peered back at her again.

Just then a car full of rambunctious and drunken teenagers came flying around the turn swerving directly into Hutch's lane.

"Ken look out!" Olivia screamed as the car came speeding towards them.

Hutch, trying to avoid hitting the car head on swerved to the right hitting an embankment that sent their car flying through the air, smashing into several trees before careening down the drop off alongside the road, stopping only when coming in contact with a large tree.

The car load of teenagers had managed to narrowly miss Olivia's car but at its rate of speed, was unable to slow down.

The car went up on two wheels, traveling a hundred feet or more before flipping and rolling onto it's roof, skidding another fifty feet before finally coming to a complete stop.

…..

Starsky was whistling a happy tune as he unlocked the front door to his apartment, juggling a pizza in his arms as he opened the door.

Kris, who worked at Memorial Hospital, was working late that night so he was dining solo.

He placed his keys and the pizza on the coffee table then removed his jacket and placed it over the back of a chair.

He went to the refrigerator and grabbed a root beer then returned to the living room, turning on his television set before setting down to enjoy his evening meal.

He was just about to take his first bite when the phone rang.

"Ahhh…come on…you gotta be kidding me!" Starsky exclaimed in annoyance as he dropped the piece of pizza back in the box.

The phone rang two more times as Starsky went to answer it.

"I'm coming…I'm coming!" he called out slightly irritated.

"Hello! He said loudly into the receiver.

"Starsky!" the voice said on the other line.

"Cap'n…I was just about to…!" Starsky started to say before Dobey interrupted him.

"Starsky…It's Hutch and the girls…there's been an accident!" Dobey muttered into the phone.

Starsky thought his heart would leap right out of his chest when he heard his superior's words.

"Where?" Starsky demanding to know as his heart pounded furiously.

"Up on Carmen's Canyon…I'm on my way up there now…I'll meet you…" Dobey stopped in mid-sentence when he heard a clicking sound on the other end.

Starsky was already out the door and into the Torino before Dobey could hang up the mike on his police radio.

"Get out of the way!" Starsky shouted and waved his hand at the cars in from of him when they refused to pull over. Finally the way in front of him was clear and he sped off, siren blaring.

The sun was just starting to set when halfway up the canyon's winding road he saw road flares and flashing lights.

"Oh God…please let them be alright!" Starsky cried out to himself.

He slowed the Torino down, gasping when he saw the overturned car the teenager's had been driving.

"Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed when he saw the row of bodies lying alongside the road covered in white sheets.

Shaking uncontrollably, he pulled the Torino over along the roadway and slowly climbed out, not taking his eyes off the bloody sheets and the bodies hidden from view.

Starsky thought for sure his knees would give out from underneath him as he made his way over to the victims.

Starsky heard Dobey's voice off to the side just as he reached down and pull one of the sheets away. "Starsky no!" but it was too late as his eyes fell upon the once beautiful face of his best friend's fiancé.

"Oh God no!" he cried as he fell to his knees, nearly hyperventilating.

He then noticed the sheet next to Olivia's body, concealing a considerably smaller form.

"Nooo…ohhh God noooo…not Maddie…not the baby!" Starsky wept, his entire body shaking with every sob as he tried to gasp for breath.

Dobey rushed to his side, placing a hand on his shoulder to steady him as his dark haired detective began sobbing uncontrollably.

When he realized who hand was on his shoulder he quickly staggered to his feet.

"Where is he Cap'n…where's Hutch?" Starsky cried, the tears streaming down his face.

He took one look at Dobey's face and could tell by his bloodshot eyes that he had been weeping as well.

"Noooo…don't you dare tell me he's dead!" Starsky cried out as he started to stumble backwards.

"Listen to me Dave!" Dobey said as he reached out to him.

Starsky keyed in on his captain's use of his given name, the name he used only in bad situations pertaining to Hutch.

Starsky closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head, willing himself to wake up from the terrible nightmare he was in.

"Starsky…just listen to me!" Dobey exclaimed as he shook the curly headed man gently, trying to bring him to his senses.

"Hutch is still alive…do you hear me!" Dobey said with authority as he continued to shake the dazed and confused detective. "There cutting him out of the car as we speak!"

Starsky looked at his superior with tremendous doubt showing on his face.

"Hutchhhh…he…he's alive?" Starsky repeated Dobey's words.

"Yes!" Dobey reiterated.

"Where is he?" Starsky shouted as he looked at the devastation all around him.

"Their car went down over the side…it was too badly smashed in on the driver's side…they have to extricate Hutchinson!" Dobey informed him as he kept a firm hold on his detective.

Starsky looked off to the side and saw several paramedics and members of the rescue team.

He tore himself from Dobey's grasp and ran over to the side of the road, peering down into the ravine.

He looked on in disbelief when he saw what was left of Olivia's car.

The rescue team had just managed to cut the blond free from the wreckage and were lowering him onto a back board. "Careful men!" he heard one paramedic say as they placed Hutch's battered and bruised body on the board, strapping him in.

Starsky took off down the side, dust flying and by his partner's side within seconds.

"Hutch!" he said as if the unconscious man could hear him.

He took one look at Hutch's face and thought his stomach would heave right then and there.

"Ohhh Sweet Jesus!" Starsky exclaimed seeing his best friend's condition.

"Easy fellows…easy!" Starsky said as the paramedics started to carry Hutch up the side while Starsky assisted.

Once they were up on the top of the road the rescue team headed quickly to the waiting ambulance.

After loading Hutch's stretcher into the back of the ambulance Starsky started to climb inside as well.

"Hold it…hold it!" the ambulance driver said.

"I'm a cop…he's my partner!" Starsky declared.

"I'm sorry Sir but we're gonna need all the room back there to work on your friend…you'll have to follow along behind us!" the paramedic informed him.

"But…I…!" Starsky started to argue, not wanting to be separated from his injured friend.

"Starsky…let them do their job!" Dobey ordered as he pulled the dark haired man out of the way. "We'll follow them in my car…I'll have Jacobs drive your car back to the station!"

"Cap'n…I don't…!" Starsky continued to argue.

"Let them take care of Hutch…now that's an order Son!" Dobey reiterated as they slammed the doors shut on the back of the ambulance and sped off, leaving a cloud of dust in their wake.


	2. Chapter 2

Starsky sat by the blond's bedside, the rhythmic sounds of the machines attached to his partner's battered body lulling him to sleep.

The doctor's word still echoed in his brain. "_He's lucky to be alive...lucky to be alive…alive…alive!" _

Starsky looked over at his comatose partner and sighed, the images of Olivia and Madison lying dead by the roadside still fresh in his mind.

"Yeah…he's lucky to be alive alright…but when he wakes up…he's gonna wish he was dead!" Starsky said to himself, the thought of it was too devastating for Starsky to fathom.

Hutch had been in a coma going on three days now.

The doctors theorized he'd been unconscious from the moment of impact when the car had hit the first of what had been one of several trees.

Along with a severe concussion the blond suffered a broken nose, a fractured left cheekbone, a sprained neck, a broken wrist, several broken ribs and a punctured lung, all brought on by the initial impact when his body was forced up against the steering wheel.

"Yeah he's lucky to be alive alright and he's gonna hurt like hell when he comes to, both physically and psychologically!" Starsky said to himself.

Hutch's brain scan and all other various test came back negative indicating there was no apparent brain damage, it was just a matter of waiting for the blond to wake up.

Starsky leaned his head back against the hard plastic chair and closed his eyes.

He hadn't slept but a few hours total since the accident and when he did, his sleep was haunted with nightmares by the faces of the dead.

Starsky had just about dozed off when he felt a hand shaking his shoulder gently causing him to jump.

"Sorry Starsk…didn't mean to scare ya." Huggy said softly.

"Hey Hug." Starsky whispered when he saw his friend.

Starsky wiped the sleep from his eyes then looked back at the blond lying in the bed.

"Still no change huh?" Huggy asked as he walked over to Hutch's bedside, placing his hand gently on Hutch's forearm.

"Nope." Was all Starsky said as he stood up and stretched the kinks out of his back before walking over to the window and looking out.

Starsky stood there several seconds, staring out into space before saying. "Ya know what's so horrible Hug?"

"What's that?" Huggy asked, not taking his eyes off the blond.

"Part of me almost wishes that he won't!" Starsky admitted guiltily.

Huggy shot his dark haired friend a surprised look then realized what he was getting at.

Huggy replied. "Yeah…I gotcha Brother!"

"Jesus Christ Hug…how the hell am I gonna tell him about Liv and…!" Starsky stopped, too choked up to continue.

"How in the hell is he gonna handle it?" Starsky added.

Huggy walked over to his friend and placed his arm on Starsky's slumped shoulder.

"The same way he's always handled all the shitty things life's dealt him…he'll get through this…as long as your there by his side." Huggy replied.

"Can the soap box Huggy…you and I both know this is gonna kill him!" Starsky spat back angrily.

Huggy was a bit taken aback by Starsky's bitter reply but as he thought about it, he realized it was true…this was definitely going to devastate their blond friend.

Huggy studied his curly headed friend closely. Starsky was unshaven, his clothes were wrinkled and his handsome face was looking very haggard with huge dark circles under his troubled blue eyes. It was obvious that his friend was not taking care of himself.

"Hey listen Starsk…why don't you take a break for a while…go home and…." Huggy started to say.

"No!" Starsky interrupted as he quickly walked back over to the blond, placing his hand atop Hutch's outstretched hand that was lying atop the crisp white hospital sheet.

"I can't leave him Hug…I gotta be here when he wakes up!" Starsky insisted.

"Starsk…look at you…you're a mess…you're not gonna do Hutch any good if you wear yourself down and get sick!" Huggy replied.

Huggy walked over to Starsky and placed his hands on both of Starsky's shoulders and turned him gentle towards him.

"At least go home and get yourself cleaned up…..besides….your starting to smell a little gamey!" Huggy added jokingly, happy when he elicited a smile from his friend.

"Seriously Starsk…I'll call ya the second I see the slightest twitch from Blondie here." Huggy promised.

Starsky breathed a huge sigh as he looked back at Hutch.

"Okay." Starsky reluctantly agreed. "But you call me right away!" he stated.

Huggy nodded his head in agreement.

Starsky, taking one last look at his partner before leaving, bent down and whispered in the unconscious man's ear.

"I gotta go for a little bit Babe…I'll be back before you know it." he said softly, his dark curly hair brushing up against and mingling with the blond's, relishing in the warmth his partner's body omitted.

Starsky stood upright and looked back at Huggy pointing his finger. "The slightest twitch!" he warned.

Huggy nodded as he motioned for his friend to get going.

…..

Starsky had just come out of the shower and was feeling slightly more human when he was surprised to see Kris sitting on the living room sofa sobbing.

Starsky went to her immediately, wrapping his arms around her as he sat down beside her.

The events of the last few days had been equally hard on his girl as well, for she had become extremely close to Olivia and had considered Olivia her best friend.

"Shhhh." Starsky whispered to her softly as the tears welled in his eyes as well. "It's gonna get better baby…it's just gonna take some time."

Kris buried her face into his bare chest and sobbed heavily. "Oh Dave….I…I…" she cried.

"Shhhh…it's okay." He said softly as he held her.

"I…I…I have something to tell you that…that I feel you should know." She replied between sobs.

Starsky was a bit surprised.

"What is it Honey?" he asked as he placed his fingers under her chin and gently turned her face up to meet his.

"I know I shouldn't be telling you this…patient confidentiality and all…but…I ran some tests for one of our patients in the lab the other day…a pregnancy test…Dave it was for Livie…they came back positive!" Kris informed him.

"Livie was three months into her term…she and Ken were going to have a baby boy!" she cried as she buried her face into his chest again sobbing hysterically.

Starsky sat there, dazed and confused, unable to comprehend her words.

"_How could Hutch not tell me about the baby?" _Starsky thought to himself._ "How could he keep something so important about his life from me?" _he asked himself.

"_Unless Hutch didn't know about the baby yet!" _Starsky concluded. _"Yeah…that had to be it…Hutch didn't know…because if he had known he would have been bouncing off the walls and handing out cigars!" _

Starsky's thoughts were verified when Kris sobbed. "You know…I don't think Livie even got the chance to tell Ken…she had just found out about the pregnancy the morning of the accident!"

"Jesus!" was all Starsky said.

The couple sat there for several more minutes thinking about the latest blow dealt in the series of horrible circumstances.

"Listen to me Kris!" Starsky said as he sat her up and looked directly into her eyes.

"There is no way we can tell Hutch about this…that is…if he doesn't already know!" Starsky stated.

Kris looked at him with doubt.

"How can we keep something like this from him…don't you think he has a right to know…that he would want to know?" she argued.

"I…I…I'm not saying that we can _never_ tell him…I…I…I just don't think it's something he's gonna be able to handle right now!" Starsky defended his words.

Kris looked at him as she thought about what he was saying then nodded in agreement.

Starsky, satisfied that she would keep her silence for the time being, pulled her close again.

"_Thanks Big Guy…just one more shovelful of crab you've piled onto this god forsaken mess!" _Starsky said silently as he stared up at the heavens.

…_.._

Starsky arrived back at the hospital in a time span of less than three hours.

When he hurried back to Hutch's room he was greeted by both Huggy and his superior.

"Hi-ya Cap." Starsky said wearily as he walked into the room going directly to Hutch's bedside.

He looked down at the blond then over at Huggy.

"Nothing…quiet as a mouse." Huggy replied in reference to their comatose friend.

Starsky looked around the room for another chair as Huggy occupied the one he had been using.

Huggy, realizing what his friend was looking for quickly jumped up and offered Starsky his chair back.

"Here Starsk…I gotta get back to the bar anyhow…I'm training a new cook today…the last thing I need is to return to a pile of burnt embers!" Huggy joked as he patted Starsky on the back.

"Thanks Hug." Starsky replied.

"Captain." Huggy nodded to Dobey.

"Huggy." Dobey acknowledged, nodding back as Huggy exited the room.

"Cap'n?" Starsky offered his superior the only chair.

"No thanks…I need to be getting back too…how are you doing Son?" Dobey asked as he placed his hand on Starsky's hunched shoulder, a shoulder that was carrying the weight of the world.

"I'm okay I guess." Starsky answered somberly as tears began to pool in his eyes.

"Yeah…I spoke with the department's psychologist today…informing her of everything that's happened…and about Olivia and Madison." Dobey said, barely able to get all his words out before choking up.

"Hutch is gonna need all the help and support he can get…you might want to talk to her yourself Dave." Dobey suggested.

Starsky just nodded.

Dobey looked at his broken down detective.

Even after a shower and shave he still looked emotionally drained.

He then eyed the blond once more, still not believing that the battered and bruised man lying there was one of his own.

"I'll stop by later tonight." Dobey replied as he hurried out of the room.

Taking a deep breath he leaned heavily against the outside wall in the hallway.

He knew it was going to be a long hard road to Hutch's recovery for everyone involved, not so much physically but mentally.

…

Starsky, alone once again with his partner, bent down and whispered in the blond's ear. "I'm back Buddy!"

He pulled the chair over close to Hutch's bedside and sat down.

Sighing heavily, with the weight of the pregnancy news weighing heavy on his mind, he sat there studying his best friend's black and blue face.

While doing so he tried to picture his dear friend as a father figure, with a child of his own, it was easy to do, for Hutch was always great with children, he always said he wanted about a dozen or more.

Starsky wiped a tear from his eye as he pictured in his mind Hutch playing catch with his boy out on the front lawn of his family's new home.

"Dammit!" Starsky cursed silently as he placed his hand over Hutch's and squeezed it gently.

Just then Starsky felt it, a twitch of movement from Hutch's hand.

Starsky squeezed the blond's hand again and ever so slightly he could feel his partner's hand move again.

Starsky picked up Hutch's hand and held it in his as he leaned forward and whispered in the blond's ear. "Hutch…hey Buddy….can you hear me?"

Hutch responded by squeezing Starsky's hand gently.

Starsky grinned from ear to ear, elated at his partner's response to his voice.

The doctor had told Starsky that they didn't believe Hutch was going to suffer any brain damage and now hopefully it was confirmed.

Starsky was even more elated when the blond moaned and slowly opened his eyes, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness of the room.

Hutch scanned his surroundings, confused and unsure with a look of fear on his face.

"Hey Babe…I'm right here!" Starsky assured him.

Hutch squeezed his eyes shut tightly then opened them again as he tried to clear his foggy vision.

"Starskkkk." Hutch slurred as he fought to get his partner's name out.

"Yeah Buddy!" Starsky said as he still held onto the blond's hand, his eyes misting with tears.

"Wh…Wh…What hap…pened?" Hutch asked, his speech still very slurred.

Starsky paused before uttering his reply. "You were in an accident Hutch…a car accident." the last few words barely making them out of his mouth.

"Ac…cident?" Hutch repeated, not yet comprehending what was going on.

Starsky leaned in closer.

"Do you remember anything about the accident Buddy?" Starsky asked nervously.

Hutch shook his head no, the pain from his movement evident on the blond's face.

"Livie…I…I…need to see Livie!" Hutch said as the beeping from the heart monitor attached to him picked up slightly.

Starsky looked at the machine then back at his friend.

"Pleaseeee…Starsk…get Liv…for me…I need to…!" Hutch started to plead then suddenly froze.

Starsky could tell instantly that his friend was starting to remember.

"Starsk…Liv and Maddie…th…th…they were…in the car too! Hutch struggled with his words.

Starsky bit down on his lip as his mouth started to quiver.

By now the tears were flowing freely down Starsky's cheeks.

"Yes Buddy…th…th…they were." Starsky replied reluctantly.

Hutch could tell by the dark haired man's tears and pitiful expression that it wasn't good.

"How bad?" Hutch questioned his partner, looking intently into his eyes.

The blond's gaze was so intensive that Starsky had to look away, bowing his head down to stare at the floor.

"Starsk…how bad?" Hutch asked again as the monitor beeped more rapidly.

Starsky raised his head up and stared at his best friend, pondering his next words, trying to choose them carefully.

"Babe…Olivia and Madison….th…they didn't make it Buddy!" Starsky choked, amazed he was even able to get the words out.

Hutch's eyes widened as his partner's words sank in, then he raised his eyes to the ceiling and closed them tightly as the tears spilled from eyes, wetting the pillow under his head.

"The coroner said that they more than likely died instantly…that they probably didn't even know what happened." Starsky told the blond, hoping his words would provide some degree of comfort.

What he didn't tell him was that when passerbyers happened upon the crash site they found Olivia laying fifteen feet or more outside the car where she had been thrown, her body had gone through the windshield on impact.

He also didn't tell him that Madison's car seat had become unbuckled and she was found lying in the front seat alongside Hutch, her tiny neck broken.

"Oh God Hutch….I'm so sorry Buddy!" Starsky cried as he reached out and touched the blond's cheek only to have him turn his face away.

"There was a carload of kids in the other car…Smitty said they were all drunk…based on the skid marks on the roadway Forensics deduced the other car swerved head on into your lane…you swerved to the right to keep from hitting them…it wasn't your fault Hutch!" Starsky told him tearfully.

Hutch, with his face still turned away asked. "Were any of those kids hurt?"

"There were six of them…all but one was killed and she's in critical condition." Starsky replied.

"Good!" was Hutch's icy reply.

Starsky could not believe what he had just heard, how Hutch, in spite of it all could sound so cold and heartless.

By now the nurse, alerted by the increase heart rate from the heart monitor came rushing into the room.

She took one look at the blond's aggravated state and said. "I'll get the doctor." as she ran out of the room.

The doctor came almost immediately, accessing the situation and he had the nurse administer a very heavy sedative to calm the blond's heart rate as Starsky looked on with worry.

…

With Hutch sedated for the next several hours Starsky felt the need to get away from the hospital for a while, he also felt the need for a beer or two so he headed for Huggy's.

As he was driving in the direction of his friend's bar thoughts of Hutch's angriness towards the kids that caused the accident resurfaced.

He kept telling himself that Hutch really hadn't meant what he said, that it was only the shock of finding out about Olivia and Madison that he acted that way. Hutch just wasn't like that.

Huggy was surprised to see Starsky away from his partner's bedside when he walked into his establishment and sat down at the bar.

Before Starsky could say "_Get me a beer would ya_'" it was sitting in front of him.

"Thanks Hug." Starsky said thankfully as he chugged the beer down and asked for another.

Huggy eyed his friend suspiciously as he poured him another beer from the tap and sat it on the bar.

Starsky raised the glass to his lips, took a sip, sat it down and looked at Huggy.

"Hutch woke up tonight." Starsky said as a matter of factly.

Huggy's eyes widened.

"Does he know….about the girls I mean?" Huggy asked apprehensively.

"Yeah." Was all Starsky said as he took another sip of his beer.

"Soooo….how did he take it?" Huggy asked, trying to pry the information out of the other man.

"I'm not sure Hug….he kinda surprised me….I thought for sure he'd fall apart….he barely shed a tear…kinda cold and removed." Starsky replied as he took another sip from his glass.

"We all deal with grief in different ways…you know that…maybe this is just his way of dealing with it!" Huggy suggested.

"Yeah…I guess so." Starsky shrugged as he finished the second beer.

"Starsk…I don't mean to pry…but how's come you're not at the hospital with Hutch…especially now?" Huggy asked with concern.

"The Doc pumped him so full of drugs tonight he's liable to sleep clear into next week!" Starsky replied.

"Put the drinks on my tab Hug…I'll see you later!" Starsky said as he got up to leave.

"There on the house Brother…take care my man…I'll stop by and see Hutch tomorrow!" Huggy shouted to his friend as he went out the door.

…

Starsky sighed heavily as he entered the blond's room the next morning.

He walked over to Hutch's bedside and seeing he was asleep he pulled the chair over and sat down, opening his magazine he began to read.

"Ya' know you don't have to hang around here so much!" Hutch said, his face turned away from Starsky.

Starsky nearly jumped out of his chair.

"Hey Partner…I thought you were asleep!" Starsky said as he tossed the magazine aside and pulled his chair closer to Hutch's bed.

Hutch didn't reply.

"I…I…I just spoke to the Doc…he…he said you might be able to get out of here by the end of the week!" Starsky exclaimed.

Hutch remained silent.

"It'll be nice to go home and….." Starsky started to say before Hutch's angry words interrupted him.

"Home to what?" Hutch shouted as he turned to face Starsky. "Suppose you tell me just what the hell I have to go home to!"

"Hey…at least you're alive dammit!" Starsky spat back.

"Yeah well…I wish the fuck I was dead." Hutch said somberly.

"Don't you dare say that Hutch….I don't ever want to hear you say that again!" Starsky shouted as the tears welled up in his eyes.

He tried to place his hand on Hutch's arm only to have him pull away, the pain of the quick movement clearly visible on the blond's face.

Starsky paused before resuming the conversation.

"Hutch…..Buddy….I know you're in a lot of pain right now but….!" Starsky started to say.

"Don't even go there Starsky!" Hutch said loudly as he turned his face away again.

"Hutch you gotta talk about this….you can't let it boil up inside ya like this!" Starsky exclaimed.

Hutch was silent.

"Dobey has the department shrink lined up to see you." Starsky informed him.

"Yeah like that's gonna happen!" Hutch spat.

"Hutch…she's gonna want to talk to you….!" Starsky said before being interrupted yet again.

"Screw her and screw Dobey!" Hutch said angrily.

"What's that Hutchinson?" a voice came from the doorway.

Starsky turned to see their superior standing there.

"Cap'n!" Starsky said as he shot Dobey a look then the blond.

Dobey walked over to the blond's bedside, glad to see his detective awake and out of the coma.

"How are you feeling Son?" Dobey asked as he placed his hand on Hutch's shoulder.

Starsky cringed as he waited for the blond's reply.

"Well Cap' according to Starsky here…I'm happy to be alive!" Hutch said with distain in his voice as he eyed his partner.

"I didn't say you should be happy…I said at least….!" Starsky shouted back.

"Hey…hey…hey…cool it!" Dobey ordered Starsky. "This is a hospital not a boxing ring!" "I could hear the two of you all the way down the hall!"

"Sorry Cap'n." Starsky apologized as he sighed heavily and walked over to the window.

"Now Hutch." Dobey said soothingly as he turned his attention to the blond. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am so I won't even try to…." Dobey began to say.

"Gee…that's great Cap." Hutch sneered causing Starsky to shake his head and roll his eyes.

"Starsky's right…I have an appointment scheduled for you tomorrow with a grief counselor…Doctor Brinkman will be here tomorrow morning at nine a.m." Dobey informed the agitated detective.

Hutch remained quiet.

Dobey looked long and hard at his injured officer, feeling an overabundance of fatherly love for the man, he then turned to Starsky and said. "I'd like to speak with you outside in the hallway for a moment."

Starsky looked over at the blond as he exited the room with his superior.

Starsky leaned heavily against the wall shaking his head.

"Man he's really hurting!" Dobey said softly as Starsky nodded in agreement.

"I have you meeting with Doctor Brinkman this afternoon at two thirty…I thought it was best that you fill her in on things before she meets with Hutch tomorrow." Dobey informed him.

"Okay Cap'n." Starsky replied wearily.

"Come on…I'll buy you a cup of coffee…it looks like you could use one!" Dobey said as he slapped Starsky's arm as they walked away from Hutch's room.

Meanwhile, inside his hospital room Hutch laid there staring up at the ceiling willing himself not to cry.

He needed an escape from all the pain he was feeling, both physically and emotionally so he pressed the call button and waited for the nurse to arrive.

The nurse entered the room a few seconds later. "You rang your button Sir?" she asked.

"Yeah…my head and back are killing me…I…I…I…need something for the pain." Hutch pleaded with the nurse.

"I'm sorry Sir but your next dosage isn't due for another three hours." the nurse informed him as she checked his chart.

"I don't give a god damn when it's due….I'm telling you I need it now!" Hutch shouted at her.

"Yes Sir…I…I'll see what Doctor Jameson says….I'll be right back!" the nurse replied nervously as she hurried from the room.

…

"Please have a seat David." The psychologist said motioning to the chair near her desk after their introductions.

Starsky nodded as he sat down, looking around the room as he did so.

"This is very nice!" he commented as he studied her features.

She was an attractive woman, thirty to thirty two Starsky figured, with dark hair, hazel eyes and prominent cheekbones.

Her clothes appeared to be taylor made and fit her well as he admired her figure when she made her way to the chair behind the desk.

Doctor Brinkman opened the folder on her desk and laid it out in front of her.

"First of all…let me say…since you are probably wondering why you are here…it is customary when one of our officers suffers such a dramatic event that we meet with their fellow officers and loved ones and from what I understand you are not only Officer Hutchinson's partner…you are also his best friend.

"Yes…that's right." Starsky replied.

"Captain Dobey has supplied me with the information regarding your partner's accident so I'm familiar with the details but I would very much like to get some insight from you David." The psychologist said.

Starsky nodded.

"I understand Officer Hutchinson has only recently come out of his coma?" the woman asked.

"Yes." Starsky answered.

"And you were the one to tell him about the death of his fiancé and her daughter?" she continued.

"Yes." Starsky nodded.

"Tell me David…How did Ken process that information?" she asked.

"How did he _process_ it?" Starsky asked slightly irritated.

"How the hell do you think he processed it? Starsky fumed.

"Did he weep…break down?" she added.

Starsky thought back, remembering how cold and unemotional Hutch seemed to be when he told him about the girls and then replied. "Yes and no."

"What does that mean exactly?" the doctor pried.

Starsky was starting to get annoyed.

"I…I…I…don't know…he….he took it hard!" Starsky fumbled with his words.

"Did he weep?" she reiterated.

"Of course he did!" Starsky replied with his voice raised.

"Did you console him with physical contact?" she asked.

"Did I…? Starsky paused.

"What kinda questions are these Doc?" Starsky replied angrily.

"Did your friend display his usual emotions that he would normally display in dramatic situations?" the doctor asked.

"That he would normally display…?" Starsky asked as he shot her a look of distain. "Hutch has never lost a fiancé and a child that he worshipped and considered his own before so I don't know!"

"Let me repeat the question David." The psychologist said as she repeated herself which only seemed to aggravate Starsky further.

Starsky pondered her last question then replied reluctantly. "No…he did not!"

"Tell me more David." She said softly, trying to calm the man's flared temper.

Starsky contemplated his next words.

"He…he just seemed to…to cut himself off I guess." Starsky said regrettably.

"So he's become withdrawn?" she inquired.

"Yes" Starsky replied somberly.

"And the physical contact?" she added.

"He…..he wouldn't even let me touch him." Starsky replied, his words trailing off as he bowed his head.

"Has Ken displayed any anger or resentment towards you or anyone else?" she questioned the dark haired man.

Starsky thought back to Hutch's heartless reply when he had told him about the dead teenagers and how defensive he'd been towards he himself since coming out of the coma and replied. "No…not really." thinking it best for his partner's sake to keep that information to himself.

"Look Doc…he just needs a little time for all this to sink in…I mean he loved those girls soooo much…they meant everything to him!" Starsky told her.

"Of course David….this is what I need you to do David….Ken will most likely over the next several weeks become more withdrawn…he's liable to express fits of anger and aggression…lash out at his friends and love ones…since you have such a rapport with your partner I need you to be his emotionally crutch so to speak…a constant vigil by his side…can you do that?" she asked.

"Of course…he's like a brother to me….hell he's closer to me than my brother!"

"He may at times direct some of his anger towards you or try and push you away or even try and cut himself off from everyone around him…you will need to remain strong and fearlessly loyal." She added.

"That's me and Hutch every day." Starsky replied with a slight smile as he thought of the blond.

"Good!" she smiled as well. "Now just one more question…and this is a rather personal one…Does Ken now or has he ever had in the pass a drug or drinking problem?"

The doctor's last question hit Starsky like a ton of bricks.

"Wh…Why do you ask that?" he stuttered.

"It could be very relevant to his welfare?" she replied.

Starsky immediately thought back to when Forest and his goons abducted Hutch and strung him out on heroin. He knew that information never went on Hutch's record and that only Dobey, Bernie and himself knew it ever happened.

"Uhhh…no….of course not." He replied diverting his eyes from hers.

Doctor Brinkman noticed this immediately and made note of it in Hutch's folder.

"Thank you David…you've been very helpful." The doctor said as she shook his hand and walked him to the door.

"I will be meeting with Ken tomorrow morning and with the information I've gathered from you I should be better prepared." She said with a smile.

"_Oh I doubt that lady_!" Starsky thought to himself as he visualized her meeting tomorrow with the blond.

"Good luck." Was all Starsky said as he shook her hand and exited the room.

…

After much persistence by the blond and against his doctor's better judgement, the nursing staff had managed to get Hutch up and into a wheelchair. He was sitting by the window staring out when the department psychologist walked into the room.

Good morning Officer Hutchinson…I'm Doctor Brinkman the staff psychologist!" the woman said as she held out her hand.

Hutch ignored her.

"Yes…alright then." She said as she walked over to the chair next to the bed and dragged it across the room, placing it alongside Hutch's wheelchair.

"May I call you Ken?" she asked.

Hutch just shrugged his shoulders.

"Good…very well then…..I've already spoken to your Captain and your partner David….they have both been extremely helpful and let me add…they have the highest utmost praise and admiration for you…we all want to help you through this harrowing experience and onto the road to recovery." She replied sincerely.

Hutch sighed heavily still choosing to ignore her.

"First let me tell you how deeply sorry I am for your loss Ken…I know no amount of words can express….." the doctor began.

"Your right…they can't…so save your breath lady." Hutch said somberly.

The doctor could clearly see the conversation with the blond was not going to be any easy one.

She breathed deeply as she opened the folder she had carried in with her containing Hutch's information.

"Tell me what your feeling right now." She asked of the blond.

"Oh Christ!" Hutch cursed as he rolled his eyes, still refusing to look at her.

"Your angry…that's obvious…and totally understandable…but are you angrier about Olivia's and Madison's death…" she began to question him before he interrupted.

"Don't talk about them as if he knew them!" Hutch shouted.

"Or are you angrier with yourself that you could not prevent the accident!" she intervened.

Hutch just sat there fuming.

"Or maybe you are feeling guilty because you survived and they didn't!" she added.

Hutch shot her a look that could kill.

"I don't have to listen to this!" Hutch hissed as he backed his wheelchair away from the window and away from the woman.

"I don't need to sit here and listen to your psycho mumble jumble and how you think you know how and what I'm feeling!" he ranted.

"So why don't you just take yourself…you with your taylor made designer suit and your little notebook and get the hell outta here and leave me alone!" Hutch spat as he turned his wheelchair around and headed for the bathroom, slamming the door loudly behind him.

The woman sat there stunned.

"Well that went rather well!" she told herself as she gathered up her bag and Hutch's folder and got up and walked out of the room.

…..

The rest of the week went by slowly for both Hutch and Starsky.

Hutch became more withdrawn, refusing to even speak about the accident or about Olivia and Madison.

Every time Starsky tried to bring the subject up Hutch would attack him verbally so Starsky would let the topic slide.

The day finally came when the Doctor gave the okay for Hutch to go home as long as there was someone to stay with him for the first day or so until he became adjusted to his daily routines, naturally Starsky agreed to be the one.

Starsky paused outside of Hutch's room before entering.

Looking haggard and emotionally drained he put his game face on as he entered.

"Hey Buddy…are you ready to blow this joint?" he asked his partner, trying to sound enthusiastic.

"Yeah…let's get the hell outta here!" Hutch moaned.

"Ooookay!" Starsky replied, noticing his friend was already in a sour mood to start the day.

"I got your meds and the doctor's instructions right here!" Starsky said as he pointed to the bag of pills and papers he held in his hand.

Hutch just looked at him.

"Alrighty then…if you just wanta hold on to these…I'll do the honors!" Starsky said as he placed the bag in Hutch's lap before grabbing ahold of the blond's wheelchair, pushing him out of the room.

They were in and out of the elevator and out to the hospital parking lot in a matter of ten minutes.

Starsky wheeled the chair as close to the passenger's side door of the Torino as possible and helped the blond into the car.

After making sure his partner was as comfortable as he could be he hurried around to the driver's side and climbed in.

Starsky looked over at Hutch and smiled and nodded. Hutch looked at him briefly then turned to face the passenger's side window.

Starsky started the engine and drove off.

Starsky pulled up in front of Venice Place a few minutes later and helped the blond out of the vehicle.

"Easy Buddy…this isn't a race…just take your time." Starsky said encouragingly as he helped Hutch up the stairs to his apartment.

Starsky reached above the doorway and felt for the key.

He then opened the door and helped the blond inside.

Starsky reached down and gathered all the mail that had piled up on the floor since the day of the accident and threw it on the coffee table as he looked around the room.

"_Dammit!" _Starsky cursed to himself when he saw the state of Hutch's beloved plants and the toys left on the floor by the little girl the week before.

Hutch noticed both right away.

With everything going on around them, Starsky didn't have time to stop by and water the plants or tidy the place up upon Hutch's return.

"Here Buddy…why don't you have a seat and I fix you something to eat while I clean up the place." Starsky said as he helped the blond to the sofa.

Starsky bent down and gathered up Madison's toys and opened the closet door and placed them in there out of Hutch's sight.

Starsky went to the fridge and accessed its contents.

"Well partner….doesn't look like there's too much here to eat…how about if I call Huggy and asked him to bring over a couple of….!" Starsky started to say as he walked back into the living room.

He stopped when he noticed the blond was no longer on the sofa.

He turned around abruptly when he heard the water running at the sink.

Hutch took it upon himself to fill the glass pitcher he used for watering his houseplants and was heading back into the room when Starsky stopped him.

"Here Partner…let me get that!" Starsky said as he tried to take the pitcher of water from his friend.

"I got it Starsk!" Hutch pulled it back. "I'm perfectly capable of watering my own damn _dead_ plants!" Hutch replied loudly, making sure he emphasized the word dead.

"Okay." Starsky said as he backed down.

"I'll uhhh…I'll just go give Huggy a called then about the food." Starsky said as he went to the phone.

Starsky kept a close eye on the blond as he dialed Huggy's number.

Just then he noticed Hutch stumble and trip on something that had been lying on the floor, causing the water pitcher to fly out of his hands and smash against the piano, spilling down on the keys.

"God Dammit!" Hutch swore as he picked up one of Madison's toys that Starsky had somehow missed when he picked the others up.

He sent it sailing across the room, crashing into a million pieces when it hit the wall.

"That kid could never learn to pick up her god damn toys!" he cursed violently.

Starsky was totally shocked by the blond's actions. "I'll call ya' right back Hug." Starsky said into the receiver before hanging up.

Hutch, realizing what he had just done, suddenly felt an overwhelmingly amount of guilt as he leaned against the back of the sofa and bowed his head.

Starsky was beside him in an instant, wrapping his arms around him when the man began to sob.

Hutch seemed to dissolve right into Starsky's arms.

"Oh God Starsk….I can't do this!" Hutch cried, his entire body shaking with each sob.

"It's okay Buddy…we're gonna get through this!" Starsky cried too as he buried his face into Hutch's neck, kissing it ever so slightly. "It's gonna be okay!"

Just as fast as Hutch had fallen into Starsky, he then just as quickly pulled himself away.

Starsky was totally taken aback when Hutch shoved him aside and walked into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

Starsky was just about to doze off when a loud noise from Hutch's bedroom pulled him out of his stupor.

He ran to the blond's room, flung open the door and flicked on the light.

Hutch was lying on the bed, tossing and turning in his sleep.

"No…..no…I can't hold on….no please!" the blond cried out as he laid there writhing.

"Hutch…..Hutch!" Starsky called out, trying to wake his friend from the hellish nightmare.

"Hutch….come on Buddy wake up!" Starsky shouted louder as he gently shook the blond.

Subconsciously Hutch began to struggle with Starsky, trying to work himself free of the arms that held him.

"No….I gotta save them!" Hutch screamed.

In his attempt to break free, Hutch accidently struck Starsky in the nose with the back of his hand.

Starsky instinctively jerked back, his eyes watering and his nose bleeding from the blow. He quickly wiped away.

"Come on Hutch!" Starsky shouted, becoming more insistent as he shook the blond harder finally getting him to wake.

Hutch froze, with a look of fear and confusion on his face he looked around the room.

"It's okay Hutch….I gotcha Buddy….I gotcha!" Starsky exclaimed holding onto his friend's shoulders.

Hutch slowly came to his senses, becoming more aware of his surroundings and Starsky's presence.

"It was just a dream Babe…that's all it was." Starsky said soothingly as he massaged the back of the blond's neck.

"Starsk?" Hutch cried out softly in his dazed state.

"Yeah Partner….I'm right here!" Starsky replied as they made eye contact.

Hutch noticed the blood smeared on Starsky's face as it oozed slowly from his nose and knew immediately that he was responsible.

He placed his hand gently on Starsky's cheek and tried to wipe the blood above his friend's lip away with his thumb.

The blond shook his head and whimpered. "I'm sorry!" as the tears welled up in his eyes.

"It's okay!" Starsky said as he pulled Hutch tightly against his chest, enveloping him in his arms.

Starsky could feel Hutch's entire body shaking.

"I didn't mean to hit you Starsk…I'm sorry!" Hutch sobbed.

"I know Buddy…I know!" Starsky replied as he continued to rub Hutch's neck.

"I couldn't save them Starsk…I…I…I tried to but I couldn't hang on to them!" Hutch wept, his tears staining the fabric of Starsky tee shirt.

"Let it out Partner!" the dark haired man whispered soothingly into Hutch's ear.

Hutch continued to sob for several more minutes.

By the time the sobbing had subsided he was asleep in Starsky's arms.

Starsky, not quite ready to relinquish the hold he had on his best friend sat with him in his lap until a kink developed in his neck and his legs fell asleep from lack of circulation.

Starsky, trying hard not to wake the blond, pulled his legs out from under him and laid Hutch carefully down on the bed.

Hutch moaned slightly as Starsky covered him with a blanket.

"Shhhhh." Starsky whispered softly as he turned off the light and exited the room, leaving the door ajar just ever so slightly.

Starsky sighed heavily as he sank down onto the sofa, his bones tired, aching and needing a rest.

Before long the curly headed detective's head fell back and he was asleep.

Starsky's sleep was short lived when shortly after he was awakened by the sound of the refrigerator door opening and closing.

He opened his eyes and looked out into the kitchen.

He watched as the blond pulled the tab from a can of beer, preparing to drink it.

"What are you doing?" Starsky asked as he sat upright on the sofa.

"What does it look like I'm doing….I'm having a beer!" Hutch replied.

"You know you can't drink that while you're taking your medication!" Starsky said as he got up and walked over to the blond.

Hutch stared at Starsky defiantly then took a swallow from the can before shoving his partner aside as he made his way over to the kitchen counter.

Starsky watched in disbelief as his partner picked up the bottle of pain killers that sat on the counter, attempting to open the lid.

"I don't believe you!" Starsky fumed as he stomped over to the blond.

"It's one thing to be mixin' drugs and alcohol together but I'll be damned if I'm gonna just stand by and watch you o.d. on pain killers!" Starsky bellowed.

"I'm not gonna o.d. for Christ's sake Starsky…I just need something to take the edge off this pain in my head and neck that's all!" Hutch exclaimed as he tried to defend his actions.

"Yeah but I just gave you two of those not less than two hours ago…you can't have any more for at least four hours…now give me the damn bottle Hutch!" Starsky demanded as the blond, with his broken wrist, continued to struggle with the lid of the bottle.

Hutch jerked the bottle back when Starsky tried to grab it from his hands.

"Give me the fuckin' bottle Hutch!" Starsky ordered as he struggled to take possession of the pills.

Hutch, in his defiance, shoved Starsky backwards raising his fist that held the bottle of pain killers, preparing to strike his friend forcefully in the face with it.

"Go ahead do it!" Starsky yelled. "If it'll make you feel any better…just do it!"

Hutch stood there breathing heavily through his nose, his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

Starsky never flinched when Hutch pulled back his fist and let it fly, purposely missing the side of Starsky's head by a fraction of an inch.

The bottle flew up against the wall, the lid popping off and its contents spilling out onto the floor.

"That's just great Hutchinson…now what are you gonna do when the pain gets bad?" Starsky hissed.

Hutch looked at him with grief stricken eyes and replied somberly. "Hell…if it wouldn't be for the pain Starsk…I wouldn't even know I was alive."

With his shoulders hunched forward Hutch slowly made his way back to his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him.

Starsky, with a heavy heart, watched him walk away.

…

Starsky sat at the kitchen table reading the morning paper and sipping on a cup of coffee when the blond, looking tired and worn out, came out of his bedroom and into the kitchen.

Starsky noted his friend's condition.

Since the accident Hutch had lost a good deal of weight and he had heavy dark circles under his eyes, indicating many a sleepless night. He also noticed the cold lifeless look in the blond's once beautiful blue eyes and this saddened Starsky to the core of his being.

"Good morning!" Starsky said, trying to sound upbeat.

Hutch simply nodded, wiping a hand across his face as he noticed Starsky's swollen nose.

"How about a cup of coffee!" Starsky said cheerfully as he got up and poured his friend a cup and placed it in front of him.

"Watch it…it's hot!" Starsky warned, grimacing when Hutch picked the cup up and took a swallow.

Starsky then went to the stove and scooped out a hearty serving of scrambled eggs onto a plate along with several strips of bacon.

He walked back to the table and sat the food in front of Hutch.

"Breakfast of the champions!" Starsky declared, placing a hand on Hutch's shoulder.

"Eat Buddy…you need it!" Starsky pleaded with the blond.

Hutch remaining silent, picked up the fork lying on the table and used it to push the food around on his plate.

"I called the Doc this morning…He's going to call another prescription in for you…I'm gonna go pick it up in about an hour or so." Starsky informed him as he sat back down to finish his coffee.

Hutch took a bite of the eggs, avoiding his partner's gaze.

"You gonna be okay by yourself for a little bit?" Starsky asked, waiting for the outburst that never came.

"Yeah." Hutch replied quietly as he placed a piece of bacon in his mouth.

Starsky sat there quietly watching his best friend then asked. "Hutch…in your dream last night…you cried out that you couldn't save them…that you couldn't hold on to them."

Hutch took another gulp of his coffee as he looked over at his partner.

"Tell me about Buddy!" Starsked pleaded, placing a hand on Hutch's forearm.

As the blond looked deep into his best friend's caring blue eyes he suddenly felt the need to do just that.

He rubbed his eyes with his good hand, then with a sigh he began.

"We were walking somewhere…the three of us…Livie Maddie and I….and all of a sudden…the ground started shaking….and…the ground beneath our feet…it…it started to crack and break apart…..then….then th…the cracks started to widen and Livie and Maddie….they were on the other side of this huge gap….and I reached for them…but…but we….we were too far apart….and Maddie was crying out for me to….!" Hutch had to stop for a moment to collect himself as a tear fell from his cheek.

Starsky pulled his chair closer to Hutch's so his body was right up against him, squeezing his neck gently as he said soothingly. "Go ahead Buddy."

Hutch continued.

"All of a sudden…right before my eyes….th…th…they fell down into the crack between us…..Livie had ahold of Maddie….I reached down to pull them up….I had ahold of them for a second but the ground kept giving away and they kept slipping down….and Maddie kept screaming for me to help her and I couldn't Starsk….I couldn't…!" Hutch cried out as he relived last night's nightmare.

"I couldn't….Oh God Starsky….I tried!" Hutch wept as he fell into his partner's arms.

"I know ya' did Buddy….It's okay." Starsky whispered soothingly as he held his friend tight.

"Why Starsk?…Why does God hate me so god damned much!" Hutch sobbed heavily onto Starsky's shoulder.

Starsky had no answer for the blond, he could only hold him tighter, rocking his body gently back and forth.

They sat there for several minutes longer, until Hutch felt strong enough to pull himself away from his partner's supportive embrace.

Hutch smiled for the first time in days, it was ever so slight but it was a smile none the less.

"You'd better get some ice on that honker Starsk." Hutch said, affectionately touching Starsky's nose.

"You don't want it to get any bigger than it already is." He added jokingly as he got up to pour himself another cup of coffee.

Starsky laughed, pleased to finally see a smile on the blond's face.

Just then a news bulletin flashed across the television screen on the set that Starsky had turned on in the living room.

"This just in…Patricia Rogers…the sixteen year old girl who remained in critical condition at Memorial Hospital following injuries suffered in a fatal crash last week on Carmen Canyon Road has died…she and police officer Kenneth Hutchinson were the only remaining surviving victims in the fatal crash that claimed the lives of Hutchinson's fiancé and her child as well as five other youth's…Hutchinson's was released from the hospital recently and is recuperating at home." The reporter stated.

Hutch leaned against the kitchen counter as a wave of dizziness came over him.

Starsky was instantly by his side reaching out to steady him on his feet.

"Hutch!" Starsky said as he went to put his arms around the blond.

Hutch held his hands up, indicating that he needed his space.

Starsky stepped back, a look of concern blanketed his face.

Hutch sighed, raked his hand across his face then walked out of the kitchen without saying a word.

Starsky watched as the blond made his way out into the greenhouse, closing the screen door quietly behind him.

Hutch sat down on the glider beside his potting bench and commenced to rocking back and forth.

At that moment, the only sound coming from the apartment was the squeaking noise of the glider and the distant blaring of the television set.

Starsky walked over and shut it off.

He cursed to himself for it was only just minutes ago the blond was starting to open up to him.

Starsky walked over and peered out the screen door then opened it and walked out.

He sat down next to his best friend without muttering a word.

After several minutes of silence Hutch spoke.

"Why Starsk?" he asked, his voice barely audible.

"What makes me so damn special that I lived and they all died?" Hutch looked deep into Starsky's eyes as if he was looking deep into his soul.

Overwhelmed by the profound sadness in Hutch's eyes Starsky had to turn away, not knowing what to say.

All he knew was that a world without a Hutch was a world he never wanted to live in.

…

Hutch and Starsky had just come out of the greenhouse when there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it you sit down and take it easy." Starsky told him as he went to the door.

"David." A voice greeted Starsky on the other side of the door when he opened it.

"Earl." Starsky replied with a smile, causing the blond to stand upright abruptly.

"Is ahhhh…Is Ken….oh there you are." Olivia's father replied nervously when he saw the blond in the room.

"Earl." Hutch said apprehensively, it was the first he had seen the man since the night of the party and hadn't talked to him all since the accident.

"How are you Son?" Olivia's father asked in a genuinely concerned tone.

Hutch simply shrugged his shoulders as tears pooled in his eyes.

Earl embraced the blond in a bear hug. "Dumb question huh?" the man said as his chin rested on Hutch's shoulder.

Starsky remained by the door, tears welling up in his eyes as well.

"Earl…I…I…" Hutch stammered.

Olivia's father released the blond and patted him on the back.

"I know Son." Was all the man said, knowing that Hutch was about to say how sorry he was.

Mr. Maxwell took a long hard look at the man in front of him, noting the blond was a shell of his former self.

He then looked over at Starsky.

Starsky knowing what the man was thinking, bowed his head and looked away.

Olivia's father turned his attention back to the blond.

"Ken…I was wondering if I could talk to you about….about the girl's funeral arrangements." Olivia's father said solemnly.

Starsky looked over at the blond, waiting for his reaction.

Hutch swallowed the huge lump in his throat. "Of course Earl…pl…pl…please come in." Hutch motioned for the man to take a seat.

The man sat down on the sofa and Hutch followed suit.

Starsky, figuring the two wanted to be alone spoke up. "Hey Hutch…I'm gonna run down to the pharmacy and pick up your prescription and then head over to the grocery store and get a few things….unless you need me to stay?" Starsky asked.

"No Starsk…go ahead…thanks." Hutch replied as he watched his friend leave.

Once Starsky was gone Mr. Maxwell began. "Elsie and I…we'd really like you to have a say in the funeral preparations for the girl's Ken…that is if you're feeling up to it."

"Thank you Earl…I…I….I'll help in any way that I can." Hutch stuttered nervously, not liking the topic of conversation at all.

"Naturally…it will be a closed casket ceremony." Olivia's father said somberly.

"Olivia's injuries were…" Mr. Maxwell added, pausing when he saw the blood drain from the blond's face.

"Ken…I'm sorry…I just assumed…" Olivia's father said as he placed his hand atop Hutch's.

Hutch stood upright and walked around to the back of the sofa, leaning against it he replied. "No…no one really told me the extent of Livie's injuries…I…I didn't know."

"Ken if this is too hard for you we can…" Mr. Maxwell started to say before Hutch interrupted.

"No Earl…it's okay." Hutch replied taking a deep breath.

Olivia's father paused again before continuing.

"We'd like to put Madison in the casket with her mother…what are your feelings about that?" Olivia's father asked, staring at the back of Hutch as leaned against the sofa.

Hutch thought about the little girl and sighed again, a crooked smile came to his face.

"Maddie always was a little afraid of the dark." he choked as he brushed a tear away.

"I think they would both like that Earl." Hutch added sincerely as he made his way back around the sofa to sit next to the other man again.

"Elsie will be taking care of the flowers and we're meeting with the funeral director tomorrow…we'd like to have the service on Friday…that is if that's alright with you?" Mr. Maxwell stated.

"Yes…that's fine." Hutch replied, his face looking very distraught.

"Well I suppose that's enough for today." Olivia's father said, noticing the state the blond was in.

Mr. Maxwell rose up from the sofa with Hutch doing the same.

"Is there anything I can do for you Son…anything at all?" Olivia's father asked.

"No…uhhh no thank you Sir….Starsky has been such a big help…he's been my rock through this whole thing…I…I really don't know what I'd do without him." Hutch said affectionately about his partner.

"That's good…he's a good friend!" Mr. Maxwell replied.

"Yeah…well…maybe not when this is all over…I think I might be starting to get on his nerves!" Hutch added jokingly, with a bit of truth in his words.

"No never…you two have something truly unique…it would take an awful lot to destroy what you two have!" Olivia's father responded.

"Yeah well…" Hutch started to say.

Mr. Maxwell chucked then hugged the blond again.

"We'll call you tomorrow…take care of yourself Son." Olivia's father replied.

"Thank you Sir…and give Elsie my love." Hutch said softly.

Mr. Maxwell nodded before exiting the apartment.

…

Hutch, feeling very weary after his conversation with Olivia's father decided to rest until Starsky returned.

Although he would have never admitted it to his friend, he wished he had a couple of the pain killers he had thrown across the room the night before.

He even resorted to checking around on the floor for any that still laid there that Starsky might have missed when he cleaned them up.

"What the hell am I doing?" he said to himself as he got up from his hands and knees and headed for the bedroom.

He was just about to walk through the bedroom door when he heard a knock at the door.

Thinking it was Starsky with his hands full of groceries and his much needed pills he hurried to answer it.

He was disappointed when he opened it and saw his landlord on the other side.

"Hello Ken." His landlord smiled.

"Peter." Hutch replied.

"How are you?" the man asked apprehensively.

"As good as can be expected I guess." Hutch answered back.

"I have some mail here for you that was delivered downstairs to the restaurant while you were….in the hospital." Hutch's landlord said as he handed him the stack of mail.

"Thank you….oh just a second Peter…let me write you a check for this month's rent while you're here!" Hutch said as he started for the desk in the living room.

"Oh no…you don't have to worry about that now…" the other man started to say as he waved his hand.

"No no…it' fine…just let me…." Hutch's words froze in his throat when he spotted the small packaged wrapped in light blue paper tucked away in the desk drawer.

"Is everything alright Ken?" the other man asked when he noticed the dazed expression on the blond's face.

"Uhhh yeah….uhhh let me get you that check!" Hutch replied as he pulled the package out and sat it aside while he wrote out the check for his rent and handed it to his landlord.

"Sorry it's a couple days late." Hutch said apologetically.

"Understandable Ken….you take care of yourself and if there's anything you need don't hesitate to give me a call." The landlord replied.

Eager to get back to the mysterious package, Hutch thanked the man and closed the door.

Hutch walked back over to the desk and picked up the package reading the tag on top on top the box. "To Ken Love Olivia."

The blond traced his fingers across the words she had written and sighed.

He carried the wrapped package back with him into the living room and placed it on the coffee table then went to the refrigerator for a beer.

After tearing the tab off the bear can and taking a sip he walked back into the living room and sat down on the sofa staring at box wrapped in light blue paper.

Finally after much deliberation he picked up the box and placed it in his lap, then taking a huge deep breath, he tore it open.

He had to remove several layers of tissue paper before getting to the contents.

He pulled out an envelope that was addressed to him in Olivia's hand writing then looked further into the box.

With a shaky hand he reached into the box and pulled out the tiny pair of infant booties, fingering the soft material in his hand.

Shocked and confused he abruptly tossed them back into the box then tossed the box on the coffee table.

He stood up and shaking his head in denial he backed away.

Rubbing his hand across his face he turned and went back into the kitchen and grabbed another beer.

He sat down, his entire body shaking and picked up the envelope with his name on it and paused briefly before opening it.

He read the letter out loud.

"_My Love, I'm not exactly sure where to begin so I guess I'll just come right out with it. Remember how you always said you wanted us to have at least a dozen children….well guess what….a funny thing happened._

"No Livie…oh god no!" Hutch cried out, shaking his head, his tears wetting the paper he held in front of him.

As the words were before him began to blur he continued on.

_You're going to be a father Sweetheart…the father to the world's most beautiful baby boy._

Hutch began to sob uncontrollably.

_I only hope that_ _after reading this letter you are as happy as I am at this moment. I am already so in love with our son and can't wait to tell our precious Maddie that she is going to have a baby brother._

"Ohhh Maddie." Hutch cried, wiping the tears that clouded his vision.

_I love you so much and can't wait to start our life together as a family, the four of us. All my Love, Olivia_

"Oh Baby….why?" Hutch cried out as he held the envelope to his lips.

Starsky was walking up the apartment steps when he heard his partner's sobs coming from inside.

Juggling the paper sacks he carried in his hand he managed to open the door at the same time Hutch bolted upright from the sofa.

"Why God…just tell me why?" Hutch shouted at the top of his lungs as he stared up at the ceiling.

Starsky froze.

"How much more of your shit do I have to take you Son of a Bitch!" Hutch exclaimed as the tears ran down his face.

Just then the blond saw his partner standing quietly by the door and began to really break down.

Starsky stepped forward setting the bags of groceries on a nearby chair.

He wondered what had happened to set the blond off again.

"Hutch….did something happen with you and Earl?" Starsky asked as he grabbed his partner's shoulders.

Hutch, too upset to speak, just shook his head no.

He handed Starsky Olivia's letter.

Starsky quickly read the letter then looked at Hutch.

"We were going to have a baby Starsk…a baby boy!" Hutch sobbed.

"I know Buddy." Starsky answered softly.

"I was gonna be a fath…." Hutch started to add but stopped suddenly.

Hutch eyed his partner suspiciously.

"What do you mean you know?" Hutch spat.

"Kris told me….she was the one who ran Olivia's pregnancy tests." Starsky replied apprehensively.

Hutch yanked the letter from Starsky's hand and waved it in front of his face.

"You knew about this and you never said anything….you never told me!" Hutch shouted angrily.

"We thought it was better if you didn't….." Starsky began to explain when without warning Hutch whaled off and struck Starsky soundly across the jaw sending him flying backwards against the wall.

Hutch went over to him and grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and pulled him to his feet.

"I want you outta here!" Hutch screamed as he drug his partner by the back of his neck to the door.

"Hutch…just wait a sec…..!" Starsky tried to protest as Hutch shoved him out the door.

"Hutch listen to me….I'm sorry….I….!" Starsky tried to apologize as the door slammed shut in his face.

As the dark haired man reached for the doorknob, Hutch turned the lock on the door barring him from entry.

"Hutch please!" Starsky exclaimed as he placed his forehead on the outside of the door, his heart aching from the sobs he could still hear on the other side.

"Please Buddy." Starsky whispered as he tried the doorknob again to no avail.

Then slowly, he backed away from the door and leaned up against the wall behind him in the stairway.

With a heavy sigh, he slowly slid down onto the landing below.

After sitting there for what seem like an eternity, Starsky finally giving up, got to his feet and trudged down the steps and to his car.

He looked up at Hutch's apartment window and saw the blond peering out.

He watched as the blond pulled the shade and walked away.

Once he was alone again, Hutch, feeling the desperate need for another beer went to the refrigerator and pulled out the remaining cans from the six pack and carried them with him into the living room.

He flopped down on the sofa and drank himself into oblivion.

…..

Starsky, feeling the need for a beer himself, decided to stop off at Huggy's before heading home.

"Hey Starsk…you look like hell…did you get the number of the truck that hit ya'!" Huggy asked when his friend walked into the bar, noting the bruise on his left cheek.

"Yeah and you're never gonna believe who it was." Starsky said with a frown as he took a seat at the bar holding his jaw.

"No way…not Hutchie?" Huggy exclaimed, shaking his head in disbelief.

Huggy poured a beer from the tap and placed it in front of the curly headed man.

"Thanks Hug." Starsky replied wearily as he took a sip.

"I guess there's no point in asking how your better half is doing?" Huggy asked with a concerned tone to his voice.

Starsky rolled his eyes.

"It's not good Hug….I don't know what to do for him anymore…I mean…just when I think he's finally coming around some stupid shit happens and he spirals right back down again…I can't even talk to him without him going off on me!" Starsky exclaimed as he felt the lump on his chin.

Starsky then went on to tell Huggy about the baby that Hutch and Olivia were expecting, when he was finished with the story they both were wiping tears from their eyes.

"Boy…my blond brother as a father…dammit!" Huggy cursed as he flung the dish towel he was using to wipe down the bar.

"I should have told him Hug….I never keep anything from him!" Starsky exclaimed.

Huggy simply nodded.

"I'm scared Hug….I'm really worried about him…this stuff about the baby…I'm afraid it's gonna push him over the edge!" Starsky said as he rubbed his tired face.

"I hate to say it Brother but maybe this is just what he needed?" Huggy replied.

"What are you talkin' about?" Starsky questioned his friend.

"Well…sometimes ya' gotta hit rock bottom before you can pull yourself up again…..maybe Hutch has finally slid down as far as he's gonna go!" Huggy added.

"Yeah well…I sure as hell hope so Hug…I can't imagine him sinking any lower!" Starsky said as he chugged down the rest of his beer.

"See ya' later Hug." Starsky said as he got up to leave.

"Go home and get some sleep….and call me tomorrow!" Huggy called out to his friend as he walked out.

…

When Hutch awoke a few hours later from his drunken stupor he was laying half on the sofa and half off and his heart still ached heavily.

The baby booties were still clutched in his hand and Olivia's letter was lying by his head.

With the recent betrayal of his best friend weighing heavy on his mind Hutch felt totally and utterly alone.

Hutch gazed longingly at the black and white photograph of him, Olivia and Madison that sat on the coffee table and he picked it up and held it in his hand, tracing the outline of Olivia's face with an unsteady finger.

Alongside of the picture he had just picked up was a photo of him and Starsky.

In the picture Starsky was hanging onto the blond's back piggyback style, both of them grinning from ear to ear.

Hutch smiled as he thought back to the day the picture was taken. Olivia had taken it without Starsky's or his knowledge and surprised them both with a copy of it days later.

Now, with the recent explosive battle he had had with Starsky, Hutch was feeling like he had lost everything that matter.

He suddenly had an overwhelming need to escape the living hell that was torturing his very existence.

In his present state of total despair, the way was all too clear and familiar to him.

"I'm sorry Baby….I'm sorry." Hutch cried as he looked down at his picture of fiancé and the little girl.

He then looked at the photo of his partner. "It's too much Starsk….Don't hate me Buddy." Hutch sobbed.

With a heavy heart and his mind made up he stumbled into the bedroom, his head pounding.

He slipped on his sneakers, grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

Fifteen minutes later Hutch was pulling into a back alley.

Keeping his car out of sight he got out and made his way to the front of the building.

He entered the dark and dingy bar relatively unnoticed and sat down at the bar.

The bartender came over to him eying him suspiciously, not recognizing him as one of his regulars.

"What'll it be?" he asked the blond.

"Give me a double shot of Jack." Hutch replied, needing the drink to calm his nerves as he looked around the bar room.

"Have you see Eddie tonight?" the blond asked, trying not to keep the conversation casual.

"Maybe….who wants to know?" the bartender asked.

Hutch pulled a wad of bills from the front of his jeans pocket and handed the man a twenty.

"There's another fifty in it for you if you can find him for me!" Hutch as he held up the other bill, for tonight money was no object.

"Don't go anywhere with that!" the bartender exclaimed as he headed for the back room.

Hutch looked back out into the crowd, relieved that he didn't recognize any of the patrons.

However, unbeknownst to the blond, there sat a figure hidden in a dark corner off to the side that recognized Hutch.

The bartender returned a few minutes later.

"Head out the back way…he'll be waiting for you!" the bartender told Hutch as he reached out his hand to claim his money.

Hutch jerked the fifty dollar bill back, eying the bartender apprehensively before handing it to him.

Hutch took one last nervous look around the bar then got up and walked out the back.

The figure hiding in the corner of the room quickly made his way out through the front door and down the side of the building, stopping when he caught sight of the blond and the man in question.

He edged forward just far enough to stay out of sight but close enough to hear what was being said.

"You Eddie?" the blond asked caustiously.

"That's me…Fast Eddie…Jose tells me you're looking for me…what do you want?" the man questioned the blond.

"Rocko sent me….he tells me you have some pretty good shit." Hutch lied to the man.

"Rocko sent ya' huh?" the dealer questioned him.

"Yeah…he's a friend of mine." Hutch lied again.

"Well any friend of Rocko's is a friend of mine!" the man replied.

"So what kind of shit are you looking to score?" he asked the blond.

"I need a deck….high grade." Hutch answered.

"Hmmm…I don't know man….I mean you're looking pretty messed up and all but you don't really strike me as a Harry Jones kinda guy…ya' know what I mean!" Fast Eddie replied.

"Do you have the stuff or don't you…cause I can just as easily go somewhere else!" Hutch exclaimed as he pulled the roll of bills from his jeans.

"Okay okay….no need to get uptight Blondie…I got's the stuff!" the dealer said when he caught sight of the wad of money in the blond's possession.

Hutch cringed when Eddie used the pet name Starsky often affectionately referred to him as.

He instantly envisioned a picture of Starsky in his head, guiltily he quickly forced the image from his mind.

"It's gonna cost ya' though!" the man stated, still looking at the tick billfold in Hutch's hand.

"No kidding!" Hutch smirked.

"How much?" he asked, not really caring about the price.

"One fifty!" Eddie declared.

Hutch rolled his eyes, he knew what a bag of heroin was going for on the street and he knew Eddie's price was highly inflated but sadly he didn't care, all he cared about was getting a fix.

He handed Eddie the money and they walked around to the back of Eddie's car.

He opened the trunk and pulled aside a ratty old blanket exposing a dark leather bag underneath.

He opened the satchel and pulled out a plastic bag containing the dope.

"This will help you chase the dragon my friend….pure grade a China white!" he exclaimed as he handed the bag to Hutch.

"Yeah I bet!" Hutch replied

"I'm gonna need a rig too!" Hutch replied, referring to the paraphernalia needed for preparing the drug for injection.

"Hey what do I look like a fuckin' medical supply house?" Eddie swore.

"Here's another fifty!" Hutch replied angrily as he counted out the money and slapped it in the dealer's hand.

Fast Eddie smiled appreciatively then reached into another bag he had hidden in the trunk and pulled out the tools Hutch need for "mainlining" the heroin.

"Here…be sure to use it in good health and might I add…it was a pleasure doing business with you!" Eddie chuckled as the blond grabbed the paraphernalia from his grubby fat hand.

Without a word Hutch headed back to his car.

Tossing everything on the front seat, he quickly drove off and headed for home.

The unknown figure standing in the shadows watching the deal go down slowly came out of hiding.

He waited for Eddie to go back inside before sprinting off down the alley.

…..

Huggy had just locked the front door to The Pits and was just about to hit the lights when someone began pounding on the door.

Thinking it was more than likely a drunk in need of a drink he ignored it.

He placed his hand on the light switch when he heard it again.

"Go home…we're closed!" Huggy shouted.

The pounding persisted.

"Come on Huggy….open up man!" the voice outside the door shouted.

Huggy rolled his eyes as he reluctantly went to the door and opened it.

"What is it that's so damn important?" Huggy shouted as the man outside practically fell into the room.

"Ronnie…what the….!" Huggy started to say.

"Listen Huggy….I gotta tell ya' something man!" the man exclaimed, trying to catch his breath.

"It's about that blond cop they call Hutch!" he added breathing heavily.

"What about Hutch?" Huggy asked, suddenly very concerned with what the man had to say.

"Well…you're good friends with him and his partner right?" the man asked breathlessly.

"Yeah so?" Huggy replied.

"So…I figured you wanta' know this!" the man stated.

"Know what…come on man spill it!" Huggy said impatiently.

"Hutch did me a solid a while back…gave me some bread when I was hurtin'…so I feel like I owe him ya' know!" the man began.

"Yeah…go on…what's this all about Ronnie?" Huggy asked, trying to get the information out of the man.

"Well I just came from Jose's….Hutch came in asking around for Fast Eddie!" Ronnie started to relay his story.

"Go on!" Huggy kept prodding.

"Well…Hutch met Fast Eddie outside in the back alley….I know 'cause I followed them….and I watched them…and then I saw Hutch score a bag of H!" Ronnie exclaimed.

"No way!" Huggy said in disbelief.

"Yeah man….at first I thought maybe him and Starsky were setting up for a bust but Starsky was nowhere around Huggy…Hutch asked Fast Eddie for a rig too…you know…for shootin' up….he just paid for the stuff and left….he didn't look too good either…he looked like he was really hurtin'….like he was gonna use man!" Ronnie informed him.

"I don't believe it…Hutch wouldn't…not after….!" Huggy started to say but then stopped.

"I'm tellin' ya' man….I know that look…I see it in the mirror every day Huggy!" Ronnie reiterated.

"Okay Ronnie…I'll take care of this…thanks Brother!" Huggy said as he slapped the man on the back and walked him to the door.

After locking the door behind Ronnie, Huggy wasted no time calling his curly headed friend.

Starsky had just flopped down onto his bed, exhausted from the events earlier and was just about to doze off when the phone rang beside his bed.

Thinking it was Hutch, he scrambled to answer it.

"Hutch!" Starsky called out in desperation.

"Starsk…it Huggy….listen to me Brother…you need to get over to Hutch's right away…I think he gonna use again!" Huggy shouted into the phone.

"What are ya' talkin' about Hug!" Starsky said in his weary state.

"I have it on good authority…Ronnie Luppo…you know who I'm talking about…well he just paid me a late night visit…he saw Hutch make a score in the alley behind Jose's tonight!" Huggy informed his friend.

Before Huggy could get another word out he the line went dead on the other end.

"Starsky?" Hugged shouted into the phone, getting no reply he hung up.

He quickly grabbed his jacket and ran out the back, heading for Hutch's.

Starsky was in his car and heading for Hutch within a few short minutes.

"Dammit…I should have kicked the god damn door down and just stayed there with him!" Starsky swore as he pounded his hands against the steering wheel.

"How could he do this…after the last time?" Starsky asked himself of the blond.

"Ronnie's gotta be wrong…Hutch wouldn't do this!" Starsky exclaimed as he stuck the steering wheel again.

"Hold on Hutch….for god's sake just hold on Partner!" Starsky sobbed as he recklessly turned the corner.

…

Hutch pulled into his usually parking spot in front of his apartment and rushed up the steps, his recent purchase tucked securely in his jacket.

He opened the door to his apartment and hurried inside heading straight for the kitchen.

He pulled a spoon from the kitchen drawer and a candle off the kitchen counter then dug around the shelf above the sink until he found a lighter.

He carried everything into the living room and dropped it all on the sofa as he took off his jacket.

Hutch then pulled out the plastic bag of heroin and the rest of tools needed to perform the injection.

He opened the plastic bag of dope and sprinkled some onto the spoon not even bothering to measure it.

He then lit the candle with the lighter and held the spoon over the flame.

He looked at the photographs again that sat on the coffee table, staring at them as he held onto the spoon of heroin.

For one brief moment as he looked into the face of Starsky's photograph he began to have second thoughts, then he looked at his beloved fiancé and daughter and the dreaded demons resurfaced.

Hutch laid the spoon carefully on the coffee table and reached over on the sofa and grabbed the long rubber strap he had gotten from Eddie.

He wrapped it tightly around his left arm until his veins protruded then he grabbed the syringe that had fallen to the floor in front of the sofa.

With an extremely shaky hand he placed the syringe on the spoon and drew the brown liquefied substance up through.

Looking at Starsky's photograph one more time Hutch took a deep breath and raised the needle to his arm.

He pierced his skin ever so slightly with the needle then stopped.

Hutch reached over and turned Starsky's picture face down on the table, he didn't need his partner's face staring back at him while he performed his dirty deed

.….

Starsky arrived at Hutch's apartment in record time and went bounding up the steps at a fast pace, tripping on one of the stairs and scraping his knee.

He quickly got up and limped to the door to Hutch's apartment.

To his surprise the door to the apartment was standing wide open and what he saw horrified him.

Hutch was sitting on the sofa, preparing to inject his body with the needle full of heroin.

For some unknown reason Starsky froze.

He thought to himself "_Should I let Hutch go through with this….will it finally end his pain?"_

Something told him to let Hutch play this one out.

Hutch, concentrating once again on the injection, pursed his lips and began to squeeze down on the syringe's plunger with an unsteady hand.

The blond, taking a deep breath as if the liquid in the needle was fighting against him, forcefully tried to push the needle home.

Starsky stood quietly in the hall, his heart pounding in his chest.

"_No Hutch….don't do it Buddy!" _he whispered to himself as he shook his head.

Suddenly, as if Hutch heard his partner's silent plea he cried out. "No Dammit!" as he threw the syringe across the room.

Hutch broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.

Starsky rushed over to the blond.

"Starsk?" Hutch cried out, totally surprised to see Starsky standing there.

"Yeah Buddy…I'm here!" Starsky exclaimed as he gathered the broken man in his arms.

"I didn't do it Starsk….I swear I didn't!" Hutch sobbed.

"I know ya' didn't Babe!" Starsky cried along with the blond as he undid the plastic strap that was still wrapped tightly around Hutch's arm.

"You gotta belief me Starsk…I couldn't do it!" Hutch felt an overwhelming need to convince his dear friend.

"I know Hutch…it's okay…everything's gonna be alright Buddy…I promise!" Starsky exclaimed as he held the blond tightly.

Hutch clung to Starsky fiercely, not wanting to let go.

"I'm sorry Starsk….I let you down…I'm so sorry!" Hutch cried, his sobbing raking his whole being as well as Starsky's.

"Never Buddy….never!" Starsky proclaimed clinging to the blond.

Just then Huggy came running into the room, stopping short when he saw the two men sitting on the floor in front of the sofa.

He slowly walked over to the duo, raising his eyebrows at the dark haired man who was holding his distraught partner.

Starsky shook his head and mouthed the word _no_ to the dark skinned man.

Huggy bowed his head and breathed a sigh of relief.

He then slowly backed up and went into the kitchen to prepare a pot of much needed coffee.

…

_**Epilogue**_

Hutch stood over the gravesite on the newly planted sod and placed the flowers gently at the base of the headstone.

"How are my girls today?" the blond asked as he smiled down at the stone.

Hutch knelt down on one knee brushing his hand against the newly carved stone and sighed.

"I miss you guys so much." he whispered softly.

"Your mom and dad send their love Livie….Grammy and Poppy say they love ya' Maddie!" Hutch said, including the child in on the one sided conversation.

"I…I stopped by the house up on Carmen Canyon the other day!" Hutch went on.

"I spoke to the new owners….you'd really like them Livie…a young couple…there expecting their first child in June…a boy…isn't that great!" Hutch chuckled then swallowed the lump in his throat.

Just then he felt a hand clasp his left shoulder.

He looked up to find his partner standing there beside him.

"Well…I gotta go girl's…I'll see ya Saturday." Hutch exclaimed as he touched his hand to his lips and placed it on the top of the grave marker.

He looked over at Starsky and smiled, Starsky smiled back.

As Hutch distance himself slightly from his partner Starsky leaned down towards the stone and whispered. "Don't worry girl's…I'm keeping an eye on him for you."

Just then Starsky felt and invisible warmth caress his left cheek then a slightly softer one on his right cheek.

"You're welcome." Starsky said with a smile as he too placed a kiss on the stone before hurrying down the path to catch up to the blond.


End file.
